This monday, everything was normal and my mental health was getting better. But after going to the therapist it ruined me. Usually it was getting better when I went to there. But this time it didn’t and he wanted to see me tmorrow because my family said I got really worse. Im just tired of falling down and trying to get up. I got my suicidal thoughts back. Im done. Im tired of seeing my mother cry saying “God take me instead.”. I am giving up. I remember my past doctors said “You need to stay in the mental hospital.” I think Ill listen them. Im just going to say it to my therapist that I decided to stay in one. (This new one doesn’t thinks that I need to stay in one instead of the others). But Im not going to deal with this shit anymore. I am letting my OCD and depression take over.
Hey @E_Man,
Thank you for sharing with us how you’re feeling. I’m so very sorry that it went downhill since the beginning of the week. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to feel like you made many steps back. This doesn’t mean that you failed or that things will never get any better. Therapy sessions can bring things up and also, healing is not a linear journey. I can relate so much to the frustration when finding yourself in a mindset that you thought you’d overcome. You found a way out of it before and you’ll find one again. I genuinely believe in you. Coming here and sharing your thoughts and feelings with us is already a step forward. Every step counts, no matter how small it may seem. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re more than worth the fight. Hang in there. You’re so valued.
I hope meeting your therapist tomorrow will be helpful. Do you feel like he trusts your ability to fight back more than the others do? Or does it feel more like he doesn’t fully get how you’re doing?
When you say “I am letting my OCD and depression take over.” do you mean that you consider a stay in the mental hospital? Do you feel like you lost the fight when you go back there? It just sounds to me a bit like this, but in fact this is a very brave step that could help you to recharge your batteries and catch some breath. This would be a support in your fight, but it really doesn’t mean you’re giving up, not at all. Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
Stay safe. I’m so glad you’re here. You’re loved. 
Hi E_Man
Let me give you the biggest hug I can 
. I am so very sorry you are struggling like that. I wish I could take the pain away so you could be happy again. Sometimes when our sessions with a therapist gets heavy we might actualy feel worse and tired from it. Its good to take a rest after such session and try to take your mind of what has been discussed. I know its hard but it is doable. You have said that your past doctor thought that you should go to the mental hospital but your current one doesnt. I have been in psych ward before E_Man, 2 times actualy. I dont know what a psych ward looks like in a place where you live but from my experience and from the things I have heard or read from other people psych wards are a place where you go not to die. It might not be the most pleasant experience. That does not mean it wount help you but that depends on the kind of help you need. Of cource you are gonna be probably in a ward for minors so it is gonna be better then the one for adults.
I am curious about the reason why your current therapist doesnt think you should go to the mental hospital and I think its because you might not get the help you need there. Yes there is a very intense therapy program but there are very focused therapy programs that doesnt require you to go to the psych ward. Psych wards can be scary and putting someone out of their home environment can have both positive and negative effects but it is definitely a shock at first. I am not saying you shouldnt try it because it can help you but I would like you to also discuss alternatives with your therapist like other kinds of programs that are focused and intense but arent as big of a shock for a person.
Whatever you choose E_Man I hope it helps you. I really really hope you will get better so you can be happy in life. Its unfair that you have to suffer like this, unfortunately that is what life is like sometimes. You are are strong though. You can pull through. I believe it 
.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi E_Man I hope that if you are not feeling safe, you talk to someone before you act on your thoughts. I know what it’s like to have feelings of not wanting to live and I hope you can ride it out because usually the really bad thoughts pass after awhile. You probably already know this. I hope you are ok ~Mystrose
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Friend, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and fears, I know how hard it is to do that. This week has been so hard for you and I am so very sorry about that. It is indeed exhausting when you are trying so hard to keep afloat only to feel like you are sinking once more but friend no one here will allow you to sink, you are one of us, you are a much loved member of this heart support community who is loved and does so much to help support others and we wont let you go down. What we will do is support you if you decide to go into the hospital or support you if you decide not to but I think it is important to listen to your therapist. Please dont give up, you are worth more than that. You have come through this before and you will again. We love you. Lisa x
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hello there, E_Man! I’m glad your mental health was improving but I’m sorry you’ve had a setback recently. I hope that the visit to your therapist tomorrow helps you feel better again. If you end up going into the hospital I hope it helps you tremendously.
You are such a valued member of this community and you help so many others with their struggles I hope that you will be able to help yourself and I hope that we are able to help you some in turn. I hope things improve for you soon and that your mom stops being a bit much.
We care about you, E_Man. Please continue to be the good person you have shown yourself to be. Take care
Hi E_Man
I just wanted to check on you. How are you holding up? Have you decided about the cource of action you will take? I am very proud of you that you are trying to fight on and be strong. I am glad to know you and I hope you will get the help you need 
.
This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.