I’ve been doing so much better over the past couple of months, it’s been quite remarkable. However, over the past week or so I can feel shit getting out of control. Today I’ve nearly reached my breaking point. I’m just in a really bad head space. I just recently finished high school and I don’t have a job so most of the time I’m just sitting around at home. The only times a really ever leave is to go to therapy or to church and the problem with that is that I fucking hate going to church. For me personally, christianity is something that I just do not want to be a part of but I have to go as long as I’m living with my dad. Every time I go, I come home in such a bad mental state. It’s driving me toward insanity but there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it. Everyone there is so close minded and doesn’t give a fuck about me or anything I have to say and this is about the only human interaction I get these days. I don’t know what to do, I want to be on my own but I have no idea how to get there. I’m just so tired of dealing with people that don’t fucking care to interact with me in the few times that I’m not isolated in my house. I wanna meet new people but I don’t know where to do that and I have crazy social anxiety that leads me to have panic attacks around most people. I’m really trying to keep my head up but it’s getting so hard. There’s so much going on in my head that I don’t really know how to put it into words so I hope this hasn’t been too confusing or all over the place.
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You shouldn’t go to church because of your dad. Honor your father, but your life is your life. You are old enough to make your own decisions. If the church you are going to is not good, don’t go. I encourage you to look for believers to love you, be there with you, and for you. Christianity is about loving God and others. It’s okay that you are not doing okay. Your feelings and emotions are important. Do your best to keep on. Thank you for sharing your post.
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I believe in you. You are not alone in this. Keep fighting.
Whatever choices you make, just know they are going to be the best for you. You are important and you are valued.
Take it slow, we believe in you.
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