Im so empty. I feel nothing, i do nothing, i have nothing. Im so close to shooting myself with my dads gun lmao or just hanging myself in the woods. I dont even care if i die tbh i havent felt really any emotion towards anything until today when i was thinking about my ex and how she probably just forgot me lmao. Hurts me a lot to know i think about her everyday while she just gets to live happily. I dont get it, i treated her so good, i was such a good boyfriend. Not even just that i was a very good person aswell and now look at me, an emotionless pothead who does nothing but fantasize about killing himself. Y’know its really weird, i dont cry like whatsoever now. Im always in a depressed state yet havent had a real cry in more than a month, but if i see something, or hear something a tear runs doen my eye and then i suck up the rest, like today in class when i recalled what my cousin said to me “i know i give you a hard time sometimes but i love you jacob”. It just made me think about god and my relationship with him. Idk what im going to do, im just planning on smoking my bong until i feel nothing and then just hang myself lmao, but thanks to anybody who ever listened to me🤙
You can rely on the fact that you are a good person, and by your standards and experience, a good boyfriend, but were the two of you really a good fit? The answer to that is evident. Regardless of that, breakups hurt. Over time, the pain diminishes, but it can be brought back, even many years later, if a person chooses to reflect on it.
Suicide is an option, but why end the life of an innocent person – yourself? Perhaps some of your emotionlessness is due to the pot, but I think it’s more likely a natural defense mechanism your mind is using to numb the emotional pain.
The thing about making life-changing decisions, especially important ones, like suicide, is that they should be made when a person is feeling rational, rather than during the “dark night of the soul.” Things that make sense when we are deeply depressed, very often don’t, once the depression diminishes.
While not feeling emotions, you are still shedding a few tears. That suggests to me that rather than allowing yourself to experience and process the pain, you are suppressing it. Might it help, if you take a day off from the pot, get some were quiet by yourself, let the feelings come to the surface, and bawl your eyes out. Crying provides emotional release, which is therapeutic, and a far better option than emotional suppression.
Ask me how I know. Well, I guess you can’t do that, but it’s based on observation and personal experience. I had an 18 year relationship fail. I was immobilized by grief, then became numb, followed by a whole lot of time curled up in bed and crying. After the tears and the despair, I awakened to a tiny bit of hope. Then I began to experience moments without sadness. Gradually, I came back into a measure of emotional balance.
Thank your cousin for loving you enough to give you a hard time.
Numbness blocks not only the bad feelings, but the good ones as well. You deserve to have good feelings. If you hang around, there is no doubt that you will experience them again.
So far, I haven’t mentioned therapy or counseling, but I think you should try it before making any radical and irreversible decisions. If you are in crisis, dial 211, and ask for help.
Please come back and let us know how you’re doing. Wings
I can tell you what happened. You were not compatible with each other. It doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person. This is how we find the person who will love us back. You will have other relationships until you find that person. It hurts when you break up with someone, but you can also learn from it. You can learn what you want and don’t want.
I’ll leave you with one thought. She cheated on you…ask yourself if you want to be with someone who could do that to you.
I’m sorry you’re hurting and I hope you decide to see what comes next in your life.