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It's gotten worse and I feel like I've lost my mind

I’ve been having a extremely terrifying Schizophrenic episode, my voices & Hallucinations are relentless, horrible anxiety/ panic Attacks, I kept blacking out a lot because it
was extremely stressful and the noise in the room only made it worse, which caused my voices, Hallucinations, Black Outs, anxiety schizophrenia extremely stressful and difficult to cope with.

On the way home my Schizophrenic episode got even worse, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t open my mouth, I started to get flu like symptoms, I kept fluctuating between being hot and sweaty, to cold and sweaty, my whole body started to feel heavy and extremely uncomfortable, there was literally nothing that I could do about it.

Once I got home I still felt the same way as I did earlier and on the car ride home.

When I tried to clean the bathroom, it was meant with extreme difficulty, my voices are unbearable and kept telling me to stop what I was doing, it took me awhile but I finally got it clean.

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this sounds like a rough state to be in, and I’m so sorry that everything is hitting you at once.

You may have powerless then, but you do have power now! You can do something about it now, and that is to get a doctor to see you. Having your hallucinations and schizophrenia symptoms show up, and to be blacking out sounds like it needs urgent intervention.

I know sleeping has been hard for you too, so you must be physically and mentally exhausted by now. Please do let someone know that you’re not doing okay and that you need that doctor’s appointment as soon as possible. If they start telling you that you don’t need it, let them know what you’re feeling, and that you’re asking them to help you, even if they don’t understand what’s going on.

We want you to be as happy and healthy as you can, we love and support you, but we also need to know when we need some more professional help. Please do this so that you can get some relief from these symptoms.

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And also I keep Hallucinating that people around me are yelling, hurting me, screaming, throwing stuff at me.

I keep having terrifying flashbacks from when I got severally beaten up by some one, even though this happened about 2 years ago.

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  • Voices

Voices swirling in my head
The constant drone goes on
Filling me with fear and dread
Wishing to just be gone

Speaking lies in horrid tones
Stating I’m never good
Adding weight to crush my bones
Sure I’m misunderstood

Chiding me to harm myself
Telling me pain means love
Putting truth up on the shelf
Doubting what’s up above

Voices scream and torment me
Night and day echoes blare
I crave my mind be set free
To never have to share

No pills make these voices cease
My comrades stay with me
Their message won’t steal my peace
I’ll fight eternally

Tell those angry cries to hush
My life is mine, not yours
I’ll ignore your fervent rush
Push on to win these wars

Written August 26, 2020
By Scott Ninneman

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@FallenAngel

Given what you have shared before about all of this and your current situation, I think it is safe to say that you are decompensating lately, so you really need to seek medical help. Your nervous system is on edge for very valid reasons right now, and you surely don’t want it to be worse.

These hallucinations can be handled with the right support and medication. I know you’ve been upset lately by your doctor and you’ve mentioned that it would take months before getting an appointment. But the situation right now is special/different, and it’s certainly okay to check in in a hospital or a place where they could receive you as an emergency. You need proper help, one that we cannot provide to you directly here. There are steps that really need to be taken on your own at the moment. It’s okay to ask for help, even if it’s scary and/or frustrating.

You deserve to be safe and supported as you need.

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