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Its just not working


#1

I’ve been going out and hanging out with friends and I’m getting really good at burying everything again and being able to put such a fake smile on that nobody suspects that I feel like I’m dying inside. I have however moved away from cutting because its been so hard to keep it hidden at work and around friends I found something easier to explain that nobody really gives a second thought so that’s nice I mean its not good but I don’t have to explain. I know its bad and I shouldn’t do it. I don’t know anymore I’m pretty fucked up I think. I might just be a bad person I don’t know. Does hating yourself and wanting to selfimplode make you a bad person?


#2

hey there , no it doesnt make you a bad person it just means your struggling.
good job trying not to self harm btw. Also you need to be honest with people how your feeling. It may be hard but its worth getting better . Smile more!
hold fast you’re worth it !
-ashley


#3

Unfortunately its not trying to stop selfharm exactly I just found a different form of it. I’m sorry


#4

No it does not make you bad person. There are so many others who also struggle with similar thoughts and habits. You’re not alone and you’re not a bad person. Habits like self harm can be hard to break but it is worth fighting for. I hope that you can find people to be open with and thank you for sharing your struggles and feelings here! You don’t have to fake smile here and I hope that helps relieve some pressure to bury things down. Hang in there
P.S. HeartSupport has a workbook called ReWrite on healing from self harm


#5

Hey friend, thank you for sharing.

I know how it feels to bury your real feelings within yourself and try to fake smiling every day. Unfortunately, you can lie to other people about how you’re doing but you can’t lie to yourself. And the more you try the more it hurts. It sounds like you just traded one form of self harm for another, and I’m sorry to hear that. But, it shows you have some hope for getting better by posting. You don’t want to stay this way forever, and I promise that you won’t. We are here to support you.
You are loved, you matter.

Hang in there friend,
Jaden


#6

Hey friend, I see that you’ve been struggling. I just wanted to give you some encouragement! I totally understand when you say you feel like a bad person. Many days I feel like I have destroyed my chance at a career, and am just going through the motions. I feel like I am not doing anything productive, as far as helping society. It was eye opening, because the other day in the HS stream I realized not all self harm comes in the form of just cutting. I myself have never cut, but do end up drinking a lot, and it’s very unhealthy, especially the way I do it. My advice to you, find something healthy that can take the place of whatever you’ve found to self harm. I know you mentioned you spend time with friends, but when you’re alone you need something to keep you busy as well. I know this because that is normally the time I start craving something to drink. Even if you need to message me brother, I will talk to you all night. Some other good recommendations are gaming, working out, or drawing.
I also want to answer your question, hating yourself does not make you a bad person. I wish you wouldn’t, but I think it shows you are human. I’m sure most of us have gone through that at some point. Lately I have found so much peace coming on here and giving advice. I’m not sure if you have done it, but definitely try. Take what experiences you have gone through and help other people learn. This will also make you feel so much better about yourself, knowing you are important and have meaning, because you do! Heck, you don’t even realize it but you just helped me by posting. I now know I am not the only one who feels this way, and can turn to you if I ever feel self doubt. I hope this has helped in some way friend, thanks for posting and being part of this community!


#7

Hey man,

We all feel like we dislike ourselves some days. But you are NOT a bad person. The fact that you question whether youre good or not is a good indicator that you ARE good.

Bad people dont question themselves in that way

But there is so much more that we have to say.

Here you are. We love you


#8

@Gooperaatives Thank you, I do want to do better. I want to strive for something I want to inspire and help others to do great things. Honestly I don’t really care if I do great things I just enjoy seeing others do awesomely in their lives and will help them achieve their goals even if it means stepping on mine. I would rather have the people around me be happy than myself. Your words have hit deep, deeper than the knife that almost took my existence thank you. And as far as anything I want to do in life like anything if money wasn’t an issue it would be disappear into the far corners of the world on my own taking pictures. Maybe even be happy but not like super happy but just mildly happy. I can’t say I want a lot just the simple things like if it were even remotely possible it would be to hold my wife just one last time and tell her its all going to be alright. ( she lost her battle with depression almost 4 years ago) you are an awesome dude. I can’t thank you enough for all that you have said. I’m trying to retrain my brain to make things better. Again thank you and I love the hair the personality the realness and the swearing. Absolutely love you bro


#9

I’m glad that you’ve been hanging out with friends at least. Hopefully even if you don’t know how to be open to these friends you are at least enjoying the time you spend with them. I don’t always discuss private matters with everyone I hang with, but it’s still good to be in good company.

As far as the self destructive habits. A lot of what made me stop at first was also because it was hard to hide. The easiest spot was also the hardest spot to hide and a lot of people would accuse me of trying to get attention. I still have the scars but nobody really bothers me about them fortunately. I’m glad that you moved away from that but I hope too that you will be able to find peace and comfort in some sort of outlet that is healthier for you. It’s never good to replace habits and addictions with new ones, but if you are able to find something that works for you that is healthy. Then good.

We are all “fucked” up in our own way. It’s not really about being fucked up, rather we are all human. We all have things that we battle and struggle with. And we all need someone or something to help us through it. You know? That’s why we are here. To support one another through those things

You’re not a bad person, you’re just human trying to find your way. All that matters is that you keep putting one foot in front of the other my friend. Even if it’s baby steps. Keep looking forward. The darkness does eventually find light. We are all here to offer you light along your journey. You don’t have to be alone.

You are important and cared for.

-Kitty


#10

@DearKoyangi baby steps are unfortunately working. I love that I’m making progress but I want to run. I want to run just as fast as I can to get away from my problems. The baby steps give me anxiety attacks because I feel like I’m trapped and not going anywhere even tho I am. Thank you for your time to read and respond to me it means a lot and right now I’m not in a good place at all but your words are mildly comforting thank you just wish somebody would text me


#11

I understand. It’s okay friend. I often feel that way too. It’s important for us to recognize and credit ourselves even in baby steps but I know how hard that can be when things are moving so slow it practically feels like it’s not moving at all.

I’m thinking about you. :heart:


#12

Thank you. Thinking of you as well <3