From Roxo: I’ve been considering doing it the next three days…my life has just become so untenable. The moment my family learns I’m still in college, I’m gonna be thrown out. And hey, I’m an adult with an underdeveloped sense of perspective on my cushy life. I hate it.


From Micro: Hey <@519215846074351616>, I’m so grateful that you’ve decided to open up about those thoughts and struggles. Thank you for sharing and being here, really.

I hear that you’re under a lot of stress regarding how you’re family is going to react to these news. It is completely understandable that, in face of this eventuality, it feels like being stuck and having no choice but trying to escape something really intimidating, and scary. It makes completely sense to feel that way, friend, though ending your life is not the solution to this situation. It isn’t and it doesn’t have to be. Just the very fact that you are in college shows that you are currently doing something – whether it is a linear experience or not, something you want to keep doing or not, trying college is part of building life experiences and forging your own path in this life.

It is possible to get through this safely, and to envision a “risk-reduction” approach rather than hurting yourself. You are a unique person that no one in this world would ever replace. Feeling lost in your life and lacking of a sense of perspective is something that many of us experience at one point or another throughout our life – just because life is messy and forces us to ask ourselves questions regarding what we want to do, or what is meaningful to us. You are not the problem. It’s just that these are big questions that raise complex, and long-term answers. There is no shame to carry for not having it all figured out, even if your family have different expectations for you at a given time.

What would you need to feel safe right now? :heart:

From Roxo: I won’t lie…I’m mostly in this predicament and desire because I’ve wasted so much money pursuing my education, and it’s taking such a toll…

Every time I fail, I see the numbers go down and I see how much work needs to be done to get that back. I can’t stay knowing I’m such a drag and such a drain.

From Roxo: Right now, almost everyday. I feel hopeless and aimless like rubbish.

From Micro: You are not a drain, friend. You’re a human being who is allowed to try, and who is also allowed to fail. I know college costs so much though and there is this constant pressure of having to make the best of it because it puts this debt over you. It’s part of the things that should just be different in the world we live. The whole experience of college and continuous education is intertwined with implications that shouldn’t be a part of it.

What this situation might say though, is that it is possible that college isn’t for you for one reason or another, or that the pressure you feel is contributing to making you feel like falling behind on those expectations. None of this in this situation indicates that you wouldn’t be meant to keep on living. Your life and your future have so much more value than this money “lost” – should it be considered lost.

This is a painful hurdle that you are facing, one that make you reconsider important life choices. I promise you though it is not a dead end. Whether you pursue college or not, whether you have to try again or for a longer time.

If I may ask, how would you describe relationship with your family? Have they been supportive in this journey of yours? How do you think they would react if you let them know not just about your situation, but about how you’re feeling regarding all of this right now? You deserve to be heard and fully supported, friend. :heart:

From Roxo: Supportive…but stern and losing patience.

From Roxo: I just took the exam that would allow me to pursue further education I want, but I only was able to do it because I’m allowed to be my uni. It’s typically only for graduates

From Roxo: I’ve always been a party and a person who was taught how hard it is to earn money. I did also try, and it’s just hard. When I see my tuition and I write the taxes for my family, I get a sunken feeling of complete and utter waste.

From Roxo: Even now. Apparently my college plan finally got the last drop of money, the final drop. Its big, but when I see that, I swear I’ve spent that for my education already

From Roxo: I just…I just don’t want to lose anything anymore. I got hit by a motorcycle some time ago, and it forced me to stop going to uni for a bit

From Roxo: Thank you, by the way, whereever you are. I am certain I’m not the only person in need of this reach and I’m certainly not the greatest in need of it.

From Micro: Thank you for sharing in the first place. Worst thing anyone here would want for you would be to stay alone with all of these feelings and thoughts. Really.

From Micro: I hear you on this huge kind of vertigo, and intense stress that facing directly all the expenses that your education implies/implied. I think this is a very logical reaction, and you are undoubtedly very aware of how all of this functions. You know, this demonstrates a lot of thoughtfulness and care on your end, and that is far form being the way most people approach college/high education.

From Micro: I personally went to uni and had quite a chaotic journey all along – MH being a thing, there was a time when I had to take a step back for two years, then get back to it again. It was a time full of doubts, questioning and fears. Most of it leading to questioning my worth, which wasn’t healthy, but also just the reflection of how bad I was feeling. One one hand there was the perspective of having spent years and money into my education, and on the other hand the perspective of stopping everything, which made me think that all this time and money would have been lost. It’s like it was too late to move backwards, but it also felt like I just couldn’t move forward either.

Something that truly helped to change this perspective though, was to be honest about how bad I was feeling with people in my life (at the time, my partner and my parents), and they were allies in reminding me that my well-being would always prevail. That as much as practical matters were important, they were also secondary (easier said though, of course). I hear what you say about your family being supportive but also losing patience - and somehow they probably feel conflicted themselves as they want the best for you. But if they knew the big picture, and the thoughts you’ve been having about your life/future, these matters and expectations would probably feel much less important.

From Micro: If I may ask, what is your situation at the moment: are you waiting for the results of this exam you mentioned?

From Micro: What would the results entail, also?

From Roxo: Yes. I said to myself, I’m just gonna study for that and leave everything behind and pass away.

From Roxo: Honestly? The results would mean I can pursue that dream I have to take up medicine. But also since I am not a graduate, it doesn’t mean anything.

From Roxo: I would have graduated already if I didn’t break my leg…

From Roxo: I’m drowing in a lie of my own making because I didn’t want to disappoint my family.