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I've been isolating and I'm sorry

Hey friends. First of all I would like to apologize for not being very open or supportive when people in the community need it. There’s been a lot internally that I’ve been dealing with. Tonight, the night of August 19th, I thought about self harm. I felt the urge to grab my blade and to go through with it. I thought about just disappearing because it would be the best thing for everyone. I feel like I can’t do anything right or of value in this world anymore so why stay? I get told by those around me that I make so many mistakes. I get screamed at by my dad if he sees me shed a tear when nothing is happening physically to cause it. Even when I get a scolding from him and tears start falling I get told to knock it off and toughen up. I’m often fearing how my dad will react when I do make a mistake. He will either play the disappointment card, lecture me, or scream at me. Sometimes there’s a combination of two, or all, of them. I feel like I’m not a good person. I feel like an invalid person who’s just here. I feel as if I have no purpose. I feel as if I’m an empty shell. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to feel the constant hurt and fear that I do everyday. I just want to be done with all of it. All the torment I get on a daily basis. All the inner turmoil that nobody believes I have. I’m done with not being heard by my parents. I try so hard to explain my feelings to them and they don’t listen or believe me. I feel like I’m not this great person that everyone says I am. I feel like all I do is make people upset, angry, disappointed, or overall unhappy. If that’s all I do then what’s the point of being here? I strive to bring happiness to those around me, but I don’t feel I do that well enough. I’m sorry guys, but I think for the first time I just don’t want to live here and in this life anymore. It’s getting to be too much.

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Hey My Friend, You Are A Very Strong Person For Sharing Your Thoughts.
Please Don’t Hurt Or Hate Yourself.
You Do Have A Purpose.
A Good One!
Part Of It Is Probably Helping Others Who Might Feel The Same As You Do Currently To Hear From Someone Who’s In The Same Struggle.
You Can Just Try To Ask Your Parents To Do One Simple Thing.
Very Calmly and Very Gently Ask Them This…

Just Listen To Me.
Just Listen.
Because Few Parents Actually Listen.
Remind Them That They Can Do Something That
Few Parents Actually Take The Time To Do.
Ask Them Very Calmly And Politely
Not To Talk.
They Always Talk Probably.:thinking:
But Will They Listen.
If They Listen, Healing Can Happen.:grinning:
For You And Your Parents.
Smile My Friend.:slightly_smiling_face:
And Know That You Are Loved.

This Is A Great Community Of People Here.
Speak Your Mind With Someone Here.
A Few If Needed.:grin:

They’ll Help You Lift The Weight Off Of Your Mind.

Many Hands And Minds Can Lift The Weight Off Much Easier Than Just Two Hands And One Mind.
Would You Agree?

:hugs::love_you_gesture:

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