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I've Been Thinking

So…what if I give in? Nothing bad will happen right? I’ll relax. Be able to breathe. I’ll feel a different type of pain. One that’s easier to handle. I mean…who would even notice? Who would care? Why does it matter so much that I not? I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. What gives? I just want to feel semi-okay. For the past couple weeks I’ve been putting on a brave face. I haven’t been talking to people about what’s going on in my head. I don’t want to be a bother, burden, annoyance, etc. to people. That’s why I’m posting. Last ditch effort to maybe knock some sense into myself. Maybe seeing people rally around me that barely know me might help? I don’t know…I’m tired of feeling like a useless lump of flesh. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything of importance. I don’t feel like my life has meaning. I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m starting to lose interest in things that gave me so much energy just last week. I don’t know what to do. I want to know why this…this thing that I am being pulled towards…is so bad. I want to know why I shouldn’t just listen to my head and make the marks. Why is it of such importance that I stay away from it? It’s not like it’ll change much…will it?

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Hey,

From one Sarah to another, I just want to say that you are so so so loved. You do not deserve the pain that you are in or the pain you want to cause yourself. I have been in your shoes before and I can say that there is a season for everything. Nothing can last forever, and that is the same for your pain.

And the reason that self harm is a big deal is because you are a big deal!! You are treasured and valuable and worthy of so many good things. You are priceless. You don’t want to damage yourself. I know it is hard and I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but your feelings are valid. And trust me when I say that cutting will only make things worse in the long run.

I don’t have the answers to make it all better, but just know that I love you, I believe in you and I believe that things can and will get better.

Hold fast.

Hi Sarah!

I’m so proud of you for making it this far! Every day with you in it is such a gift! You are important because you are you, and that’s what matters. You are special not because of what you do, but because you exist. We just met and already I care deeply for you, and my heart hurts to see you in such pain.

Try to reach out to a trusted loved one, friend, or family member, and just talk to them. Even if it’s about nothing much, reaching out to others in a positive light is such a healing experience and helps to remind you that you indeed are very much loved. You don’t even have to talk about the heavy stuff. No pressure, truly.

However, if you can muster up the energy for it, bring up these feelings and urges you’re having and see if you can get their support in fighting them. Think of it like a team-based video game. It feels impossible to clear the level when you’re alone, but when you have more friendlies on your side, the burden is shared. Puzzles get solved, bad guys get vanquished, checkpoints are reached. Everything seems more tolerable when you have support.

I care for you and I sincerely hope you find your peace. Please stay strong. Those marks may be tempting, but they not only hurt you, but the people who love you. Life is full of ups and downs, and some downs take a little longer than others. Just gotta be patient and work with what you have.

I believe that you are very strong! You’ve made it this far, don’t stop now!

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