Answering this is that the truth is that although I am still too young to think about this, I have tried what I really liked but nothing fills me up and sometimes I see the reality that leads me, although I am a great student with a good average I feel that that does not It serves me for life and it scares me.
Oh, you know there is no age for thinking about those things - at least, that’s my inner belief. Your age doesn’t invalidate how you feel. However, it’s okay to feel lost and lack of purpose with your studies. Being a student is a little bit like a stepping stone. As a result, it gives you the means to follow a personal goal, but the process itself can be very foggy sometimes. Many times I’ve felt like I’ve lost my way and I questioned my decisions. There were just so many classes that are not useful for me right now, yet it was part of a bigger “system” with a list of requirements to meet. How you feel, especially now with the perspective of going to the university, is part of figuring out what you want in your life - and also what you don’t want. As much as it doesn’t give you all the answers right now… I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that how you feel is okay and normal. That a majority of people experience something similar, the same doubts and questions, and with time and experience you’ll get more and more answers. What matters is to allow yourself to try, to make mistakes sometimes, but still to learn.
Getting back to your first statement, being a student is only a part of who you are though. Your entire life is not tied to school, grades and classes - even if those are important goals. You are still more than all of this, and certainly not defined by it. Your capacity to do good, your heart, your spirit, are not trapped between the walls of your school or future university.
Thank you to say that, the problem where I live the population is super religious and here all homosexual people are “punished” and repressed, but I still rethink what happened, it still hurts a lot because they were my lifelong friends but I don’t know how to get out.
I’m really sorry you’re living in a country where homosexual people are shamed and targeted. That’s definitely not fair and just makes me so mad. Even in countries where LGBTQ+ have legal rights, those rights are constantly something to fight for. It’s easy to hate, and a lot of people are not ready to make the effort to talk and create more understanding. Again, regardless of this external context, you are not wrong for being you. You are not wrong for being able to love. Some people miss that reality, but they are the ones who are blinding themselves with lies and hatred.
When she said that I felt something in my heart, she is the one who gives me peace and the only person I am still alive for, when I tried to commit suicide for some reason I remembered her voice and cut the rope before losing consciousness. I told her to watch a movie every week or a series to be closer because we can’t see each other because of the confinement.
I am so glad you have this friend by your side. It’s so precious to do life with people who genuinely care about our well-being. I am also so very proud of you for reaching out during such a difficult time. You’ve been very brave and cutting the rope was a good decision, friend. You are alive, breathing. That is the most powerful and beautiful gift you could give to yourself. The obstacles and hardships are still there - but so are you. And there is so much strength within you. Never forget that moment when you cut the rope. It was the manifestation of your resilient and perseverant heart. That call for life and opportunities to smile, laugh, spend good moments with the people you love. You deserve all the smiles and peace. Keep hope in your heart, friend. Always. 
I can imagine how heartbreaking this was for you and I wish they wouldn’t have been limited by their own beliefs or whatever. You’ve been very strong and brave for defining yourself and opening up about it. You did the right thing. You can lean on that knowledge, friend. You didn’t do anything wrong.