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I've stopped eating

To punish myself for being a useless neet with no friends I stopped eating except when the pain gets so bad and I drink water.

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@Throwaway123 Hey friend, thank you for posting and for being honest about what is going on in your life. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way about yourself and you feel like this is the way to treat yourself regarding these feelings.

The first thing I wanted to say is that you are not useless, and the amount of friends you may or may not have does not determine your worth as a human being. It certainly doesn’t mean that you are worth starving as a punishment to yourself either. The fact that you are living and breathing right now gives worth for being cared for and being loved by others as well as yourself.

I’d like you to consider checking out https://heartsupport.com/resources/, as I believe there are a number of resources there that would be of great benefit to you. Specifically, there is a book available called ReWrite, which helps you in exploring the nature or reason behind something like starving yourself, and how to combat that kind of mindset that leads you to treating yourself that way. There are other resources there that I believe may be of great benefit to you, should you consider utilizing them.

Also, I wanted you to know that you do have friends. You are a part of this community, and you don’t have to suffer in this negativity alone. Come check out discord.gg/heartsupport and hang out in the Discord server. Plenty of people there who have probably experienced similar things to what you’re going through right now, or people who just want to let you know that you’re not alone.

Hold fast.

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Hey @Throwaway123,

Thank you so much for sharing.

The number of friends that you have doesn’t define who you are. You are not useless or unlovable if you have not a lot of social interactions. Who you are goes beyond this. You have worth and value, no matter what. The amount of friends you have can change. But the very fact that you are unique and important to this world, to us, will never change.

But I hear you. And I can only imagine that you might feel really alone right now. So I just want you to know that you’re not. There is a community here for you and I can only echo @adam_actual about that.

Our minds let us believe in a lot of lies sometimes. And sometimes we punish ourselves or others for this. I don’t know if someone told you something, was mean to you or hurt you. But what I know is that the things you believe about yourself right now are not true. I know it’s hard. It hurts when there is this huge gap between how you feel and how reality is. But I believe in you and the fact that you know deep inside that treating yourself and your body this way isn’t right nor fair. You don’t deserve this.

Like you there was a time in my life when I turned food against me. I starved myself for too long and used it as a unhealthy way to cope with life itself. I thought I deserved the pain it created in my body. I was trying to disappear because I believed strongly in the lies that were spiraling in my mind everyday. But with time I find other ways to heal rather than hurt myself. You can do this too. The way you see yourself, the fact that it hurts, isn’t a fatality.

Please, try to eat something today. Even just a soup or something small. I know it’s not only about motivation. But here we want you to be okay, to be safe. And I’d like to encourage you to challenge those lies you think about yourself and push them away today, as much as possible.

Sending much your way. :heart:

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Its not just having no friends, no relationships and no job. My degree was a waste of time and I’m just drifting from one temp role to another. tomorrow just became now, I’m 30 now, it’s over, I’m done.

I’m a coward,my best friend said that and hes right.

A few more days of this and I wont be anyones problem anymore.

Hey, you are not alone. We are here for you. Please, don’t give up! God loves you! Please, keep fighting! I want to share a video with you https://youtu.be/TNpXDDKomT0 I hope it will help you. It helps me when I’m down.

I don’t bother God and he doesn’t bother me mate. I’ve never been religious.

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God still loves you, even though it seems like He doesn’t. Can I pray for you?

@Throwaway123

You know, even if you degree didn’t end the way you expected or allow you to do what you want for the moment, it was probably not a waste of time. You certainly learned things from it, improved some skills, had a better understanding of what you would like to do in your life (or not want to do). But it can take some time before you see it.

I’m sorry you’re drifting through temp roles. It is difficult. But these circumstances are not defining you and it’s not worth your health nor your life. It’s very uncommon to follow a straight path in life, whether it’s about our job, our relationships, our personal goals and achievements. There are obstacles and circumstances that happen and we can try do to what we can to overcome those. Sometimes it’s foggy, we don’t really know where we’re going and what to expect from life but it’s only temporary.

Friend, you’re only 30. You’ve got breath in your lungs. It is possible to change the path you’re going through, to try something different, to find a new strategy if you are not fulfilled by your life right now. And you don’t have to deal with this alone.

I don’t know why your friend told you that, if it was just to be mean or a counterproductive way to motivate you. But if he litteraly meant that then he probably needs to think again about his own definition of friendship. That is not a think to say or even think about someone you appreciate. I’m sorry he told you that. It was highly judgmental and no, he’s not right. And I can tell this because you’re here. You actually share about your struggles and things that are really intimate to you. It’s not easy to do that, just because a lot of people allow themselves to be judgmental about everything, and you personally experienced this already. Yet you’ve been brave enough to be here. It’s quite the opposite of cowardness to acknowledge the difficulties you’re facing, to be honest and share your vulnerabilities.

You are not a problem to anyone. And if someone told you that then they were wrong and you didn’t meet supportive people yet. You are unique and what you bring to this world is unique. Please, take care of you and/or reach out to someone. I don’t want you to disappear. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes but it only adds a lot of pain that we don’t need. Making yourself suffering like this is not what you deserve.

I know it’s scary to allow yourself to believe this. Maybe it even hurts even though it’s not my intention at all. If you’re used to see yourself in a really negative way it can be really uncomfortable to step into the unknown. Trust me, I’ve been there and still struggling with a pretty dark mind sometimes. But now you’re here, you’re part of this community and you can allow yourself to rest, to breath, to heal at your own pace. You are not alone. And we sincerely care about you here.

:heart:

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I try and it takes me nowhere, I’m so depressed my because it seems like my brain doesn’t even work anymore.

I’ve not dated since age 16 because of how ugly I am.
I almost failed that degree due to thinking I have cancer.

Theres a lot of self negativity, but I deserve it.

I’ve no friends and I’ve given away all my books to a school.

And what’s worse is I work in the place that from age 11 I was drilled by my mom that is the epitome of failure.

Study hard or you’ll end up in X place. Well I did and here we are.

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I wont mind but it’s a waste of your time.

@Throwaway123

Hi friend,

How are you doing since your last message?

You don’t deserve self-depreciation nor to harm yourself. I believe in you and the fact that you already know that deep inside.

What you described is the perspective that you have about your life, but it can be changed and you can work on this. But you might need help for this. Someone in this community told me once that before we face the obstacles that are happening in our life, we need a solid structure which is unconditional love and support. If you don’t have it for yourself right now, then this community can help you to regain it.

I’ve no friends and I’ve given away all my books to a school.

Well then you have friends right here and right now. And there’s no requirements for that. :slight_smile:
Feel free to join HS Discord (https://discord.gg/e8SB55) and come during live streams on Twitch (https://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport), that would be awesome!
Also giving your books to a school sounds super awesome. It shows that you’re kind and willing to help. Nothing negative in this. And it’s not everyone who would do that.

I’ve not dated since age 16 because of how ugly I am.

Do you think this is the reason? It’s also a matter of opportunities, self-confidence, the personalities of people you’ve met, having common interests… When someone loves you sincerely it won’t be for how you look. Of course it plays a role in the attraction you can have for someone. But it’s not everything in a relationship.
When I read you saying “how ugly I am” I can’t help but thinking that it doesn’t matter if you’re beautiful or ugly. There’s beauty everywhere and it remains highly subjective. But maybe what you’re saying is that you don’t feel comfortable with how you look. And feeling comfortable in your own body is still important so you can see around you what inspires you/what fits with your personal standards. Just don’t forget that your appearance doesn’t define you. Being unsatisfied is a different thing.

I almost failed that degree due to thinking I have cancer.

As it sounds that you actually don’t have cancer then it’s a relief. It can be super stressful when you’re worried about your health and unsure about what’s going on. In the end you didn’t fail your degree so you managed to do it, right? Sounds pretty positive too.

Study hard or you’ll end up in X place. Well I did and here we are.

That’s the difficult reality nowadays, we may study but we’re still not sure to have a job in the end. It’s hard, I understand. But it’s not worth stopping to eat. You can still look for different opportunities. Maybe consider trying something different. It’s not about you and it’s not questioning your capacities. You did great by studying and it certainly allowed you to learn a bunch of things. Now finding a place that suits you can be a challenge. But it’s not hopeless friend. You’re only 30. There’s no limit of age to change your strategy and try something different. Of course, it has to be done with your actual resources. But there might be possibilities for you even though you’re struggling to see it for the moment.

You can do this friend.
I hope you’re doing okay, as much as possible.

Hold fast. :heart:

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I dont have a network or resources or any abilities I go to the unemployment meetings and they dont know what to do with me.

I gave my things away because I’ll be dead soon.

I can objectively tell you I’ve not dated because of how I look,now I’m old and worn.

Unfortunately we live in a society that values looks, money and success.

I’ve no more right to walk this earth than Frank West or Harold Shipman

I’m sorry to hear this. Punishing yourself is never the right choice. Pushing yourself and your body to it’s breaking point will cause so much harm. Please seek help. Please eat. You do not deserve this. You deserve so much more. Besides, we ARE your friends. We might not be right there to hug you or comfort you physically, but WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. We support you and we want to see you happy. You are not alone. Don’t give up. I’m sure you are amazing and if you stopped beating yourself up, you’d find friends and love in no time. God is always willing to listen. I am always willing to pray.

im now 8st 6lbs down from 10 6

Hey @Throwaway123

Maybe I’m wrong, but I think that you’re here because you know deep inside that you don’t deserve to treat yourself this way. Sharing here about what’s going on has a reason to be. You know that talking about that is worth it. You know that dying isn’t what you want. You want the pain to go away, which is really different. If things would have been different, if you’ve been feeling okay right now, would you like to starve yourself like this? I don’t think so. Friend, this isn’t about life and death. This is about how to live a life that would be fulfilling to you. This is about getting the safety and love that you need.

In our lives we go through so many different seasons. And we need time before we see the changes we’re waiting for. Give yourself the grace and time that you need. When we lose hope, we can feel easily trapped in our own minds and it gets hard to consider other possibilities than disappearing. But time is playing a major role in those moment. You won’t heal in a day that’s true. But you’re here now, you’re part of this community, you won’t be alone through this process. You are not alone.

I am truly sorry you’re hurting. This isn’t fair. But you’re here and you read the replies here. Even though you don’t agree with what is said, you read them. So I’d like to think that it has a little bit of importance to you. And I can keep writing to you that you’re loved, that you matter, and the season you’re going through isn’t meant to last forever, just as long as you need. Because those things will never change. Whether you approve it or not.

I’ve been through some pretty dark seasons too, such as too many of us on this Earth. There were times when I was so full of hatred that I turned it against myself. And if someone would have told me that it will get better, I would never believed that at the moment. Yet I’m not at the same place anymore. But when you find yourself in the middle of a turmoil, it’s extremely hard to even consider this possibility. That is why being here is important, why sharing is important, so the people who care about you sincerely can remind you some truths in times of trouble.

Unfortunately we live in a society that values looks, money and success.

Well, I agree with your observation. Appearances play a major role in our society. But it doesn’t mean everyone approve that. Do you? I personally don’t care about how someone looks, how much money they get and if they’re successful or not. If I love someone, it just goes beyond that. I bet it’s the same for you. So why putting your own values behind how society - in general - works? There is a lot of injustice in our societies. But what’s happening in your intimate life is yours entirely. It doesn’t have to be conditioned by the culture we’re living in.

I know it’s scary to actually give yourself the grace and time that you need. If you’ve been telling yourself so many negative things for a long time, then it can feel like stepping into the unknown. It goes against all the things you’ve been believing in. But working on those thoughts about yourself is worth it.

In his reply, @adam_actual shared the HS resources with you. How about giving a try to the 7-days free for betterhelp - online counseling? Or the depression workbook? What could you lose if you try this and share with us about your questions, thoughts, fears or anything else along this process? There are people in this community who read this book, who’ve been dealing with the same thoughts and feelings as you right now. Again, I know it’s scary and uncomfortable to even think about that, but you don’t have to be alone in a process of healing. You are here. There are helping hands for you. You have the right to hold on to them. Nothing is written already.

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