Last time I’m mention some judgements , I had during a wedding. It wa ms these goth/ punk cute girl that though were attractive. I made comments that “ I like goths girl, but they don’t like me.” The thing I wax making a judgement of them to protect myself from rejection. Cause feel powerful, I view myself has the outcast in everything and when come to girl I assume they not going to like me. To fair, I’m not saying that let say all gothic girl are judgements. I met plenty people in goths scene, emo scene, metal scene and others that are good open minded people. I just have my own insecurities and try to protect my ego.
Been dealing pain on ankles, working on my feet really fuck with me at times. I hate when I have thoughts telling to stop my passion such as skateboarding. Thinking maybe need not exercise anymore and be lazy. I check with doctors about it and she said shoe couldn’t think anything wrong with my back heel. I don’t know if it anxiety that fucking with my mind with pain. I’m overly reacting.
Well done for taking the time to journal a bit and reflect on things that are happening in your life or happened before. It is admirable that you continuously keep taking those steps - and I’m thankful that you invite the community to walk alongside you during this journey!
It makes absolutely sense. Being rejected is a heartbreaking experience, so that kind of comment is a way to put a wall between you and others and protect yourself as a result. I personally didn’t read your comment as meaning that every goth person are judgmental. Only that you’ve had bad experiences in the past, and that maybe you were expecting that someone at this wedding prove you that these experiences are in the past, and positive ones could still happen in the present moment.
Your passions will always be worth to keep doing them! Is there is one investment in life that is important, it is the one of doing things that fills your heart with the joy it needs. Skateboarding is amazing and worth it! Maybe you’ll need some more equipment to reinforce your anckles, and see if there are exercises that could help to make them stronger too in the long run. If you are in pain, it’s still important to consider it and do what’s necessary to combine your passion without it being hurtful (or too hurtful, realistically).
Good to see you writing down and sharing your feelings.
The funny thing about trying to protect our own ego is that it puts up walls that become noticeable to others.
If we keep expecting or projecting that we think people will reject us, we start giving off a vibe that makes it more likely. It’s quite a vicious cycle. If we have this mindset about a whole group of people, we’ll keep picking up signals to support this idea (it’s an observation bias at work, where we won’t notice when they act contrary to how we expect).
That said, you could also approach people and just be friendly with them, without the stress and pressure of romantic rejection? Like just find someone who shares your hobbies or who you find funny and just chill with them? No romance, no ‘benefits’, just straight up someone to chill with.