Ended up editing this, not sure how to delete it.
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That is a lot to deal with. It sounds even harder that getting back on track has been so difficult. It’s great to make sure you are in a healthy place before you can support others. I hope that you’ll be able find a way for your life to get better. There’s no shame in doing what you need to do for yourself in order to have a better tomorrow.
Hold Fast. We believe in you.
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Long interval addictions are difficult. I do not think that it is within reason to try to have constant vigilance and then beat yourself up if you are complacent for just a little while and suddenly relapse. To fight the sudden spikes of depression my bipolar 2 causes, I have to have to firmly define warning signs before the depression starts. Otherwise, by the time I realize that I am depressed, it is too late and I can only try to put things back together. Do you have a good concrete safety plan with red flags and what to do when they start popping up? Google “crisis” and see what happens. Google doesn’t like suicide or self-harm and many people consider binge drinking self-harm. There is no stigma or shame in wanting to heal, but there is honor.
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