Today very quickly turned into a day where I ended up reflecting too hard on all the relationships I currently maintain and it makes me feel like no one likes me at all. I’m never a first choice, I’m never a priority to anyone (including myself) and even my partner would rather hang out with anyone who isn’t me. I know he actually cares about me, but I can’t say the same for the other company I keep in my normal, offline life. I can’t deal with thinking this way but I don’t have many other options as of right now. I just want to isolate myself for years and never leave my room, I hate seeing my friends make plans with each other as a big group thing and they can’t even look at me while they do it because they know it’s shitty and it’s like they’re showing off the fact that people actually want to hang out with them and avoid me.
How much of this is in your head or a self-fulfilling prophecy? I’m 32 and single and alone and I’ve felt and thought things like you describe for years. As I look back, I realize I had my chances and I let them slip away. For me, it was a chain of self-fulfilling prophecies but something inside of me craved to be alone but once you get there, it’s not always nice.
Almost all of it is just something my brain is creating to make me feel miserable. But people rarely talk to me outside of purely venting or asking me for favors. I have maybe three people I’d consider as friends and even those bonds are shaky. I don’t want to be alone, but nobody else wants me around or invites me to do anything. If I try to invite people out, they already have plans or they can’t make it. I do what I can but it’s still hard to stop this feeling.
I’ve stopped trying to make plans years ago. I’m telling you, it only gets worse. Worse for you and worse for me. We can make a change but will we?
I’m so sorry my friend. I grew up struggling with this same treatment from friends, schoolmates and family. It left me feeling so alone and like I was not good enough.
I care about you. We are strangers, I know, so it probably doesn’t mean much. But I care. I hear you. I see what you are saying and I understand.
A handful of years ago, I started to realize that I really needed to work on improving my social circles. Hanging out with people that make me feel better, that lift me up, bringing quality to my life. I also learned that it’s important to hang out with people who posses the qualities that you admire and thrive to have. We often are most like those that we surround ourselves with, so if you surround yourself with people of the qualities you most desire, you will often find yourself also strengthening and gaining those qualities.
It’s important sometimes to filter our social circles. To invest in people that appreciate your time and energy. Don’t stand idle waiting for people to come to you. Chances are it won’t happen.
We have to work on improving who we invest in. Find relationships that are a two way street and that feel good. If you just stand back and wait for people to finally decide to start inviting you, you’ll end up feeling very lonely. Don’t wait for those who don’t care. Find other people (:
I know how hard it is. I don’t make friends well. Offline it’s hard to be social and put myself out there. But I have made some good quality friends.
I hope you are able to find a quality social circle even if it’s just a small one or just one person that you can feel better about.
You are loved