Just a general vent about my life

I’m a 22 year old woman, and I just want to write down some of my feelings. This is going to be a long post, my apologizes. I’m not really looking for any help or advice necessarily, I just want to get my thoughts about my life written out.

Years ago when I was around 14 years old, I realized that my “best friend” wasn’t actually my friend at all. From then till the end of high school I didn’t really have any friends. I wanted friends, and I’d try to talk to people but either they would end up in different classes or they just wouldn’t care about me. There was another person I had a lot in common with and seemed to be getting along with. My seat was assigned next to hers. When the teacher announced he’d be changing the seating, she exclaimed “Yes! Finally!” I’d thought we were friends, but yet again I was wrong. I don’t understand why no one outside of my family has ever seemed to like or care about me.

Eventually I just gave up on making friends in high school and I would count the amount of days I could go without talking to anyone (my record was 3 weeks). I’d go home to my parents and my two cats and play video games by myself in my room. I’d feel sad that I didn’t have anyone I knew in real life to play any video games with. I remember I’d try to comfort myself by telling myself that several years from now I’d be out of high school and I’d have a group of friends that would love and care about me. It’s been almost 5 years since I graduated high school, and it’s sad thinking that I still don’t have that small friend group I thought I’d have.

In 2019 it did seem like things were starting to look up. I still hadn’t really made any new friends, but I was out of high school and had gotten my first job at a fairly reputable company. It’s nothing exciting, but I’m still working there and making fairly decent money. I was doing things on my own and for the first time, I was starting to feel confident in myself. My depression and anxiety was starting to take a backseat, it was still there but it wasn’t holding me back so much anymore. Then 2020 hit, and all the progress I had making was stolen away from me.

I’m about to turn 23 years old in a couple weeks and I still don’t have any solid friendships. The only friend that I feel comfortable reaching out to myself from time to time moved to the other side of the country about 2 years ago to live with her boyfriend and I haven’t seen her in over a year. She’s always really busy with work and doesn’t have much free time, and when she does have free time it usually is spent with her boyfriend.

Another blow was at this time last year, when my beloved 17 year old cat passed away very suddenly. My other cat is 18 years old and though she’s doing well for her age, I likely don’t have too much time left with her. My family adopted the two cats when I was 4 years old and I’ve considered my cats to be the only friends in my life that have always been there for me, and now life has taken one of them from me.

My parents are fairly supportive, but my older sister on the other hand (she’s only a couple years older), since 2020 she’s gotten married, had two kids and seems to just be really happy in life. Her life has been getting better these past few years while my life is getting progressively worse. She also doesn’t really seem to care about me, she always expected me to bake her cupcakes and buy her gifts for her birthdays, baby showers, but then never thanks me. She puts in little to no effort on presents she’s given to me for my birthdays… she even forgot my birthday one year. Anytime we have hung out together over the years she just stares at her phone half the time. I’m sick of having to waste so much time and effort on someone who doesn’t seem to have any care for me.

I feel like I’m so far behind in life. I don’t have friends, I’ve never been on a date or in any sort of romantic relationship, and I don’t have any goals to progress my career. I don’t know how to go about doing any of those things. I downloaded a friendship/relationship finding app a few months ago (I think it was called Boo), and after less than a day of having it, I got over a dozen friend requests. However, got intense anxiety over it and deleted my account. I want to meet new people but I’m scared. I want to have people in my life outside of my parents that I can have fun with and trust, but it feels impossible to find.

I know that it’s mostly my fault I don’t have friends as I’m very quiet and shy, but I don’t know how to overcome that. My mental health has been on a downward spiral, and I’m so scared of how much worse it might get when my other cat inevitably passes on too.


Quick question - what kind of bread are you a slice of?

First off, do you know about the Heart Support discord server? If not, I’d say that is a really good place to start meeting people. There’s a lot of really cool, unique and extremely caring people that hang out and chat online.

If you’re anxious when trying to put yourself out there, the discord server lets you go at your own pace and you can engage when you’re comfortable to do so.

There’s several chat rooms, SWAT team meet ups (SWAT 5 is mine, its super dope :wink: ), live streams with leaders of the community and so much more!

Here’s the link if you’re interested in checking it out: HeartSupport - Discord Servers.

I’m really happy that you came here to vent… In fact I think you came to the right place to start understanding a lot with regard to making friends, learning how to lean into relationships, talk with people/mentors about your career goals.

I also want to tell you that I’m extremely proud of you for expressing yourself here… it might just be the first step into working toward an incredibly fulfilling life.

I first found Heart Support when it was just starting and would volunteer at Warped Tour with people like Nate (he’s on discord and is an incredible person to get to know). I found HS because, like you, I felt totally lonely, had no friends that shared the same interest as me, etc. Doing so launched me into an incredible journey.

I hope to see you in the discord servers :slight_smile:


Thank you for the kind words. I’ll go check out the discord. I’ll probably just be lurking to start, but maybe I’ll find a good opportunity to say hi. :slightly_smiling_face: At the very least writing down all my thoughts here helped me feel a tiny bit better.

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Lurk as long as you need!!

You have a huge community here willing to listen/read your story, thoughts, vents. I’m glad you found HS.

Can’t wait to see you on discord! :smiley:

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Hi SliceOfBread,
welcome to Heart Support and thank you for sharing.
i am sorry to hear the loss of your cat, the are booth having a pretty long and good life i am sure.
@I-Am-Reclaimer like mentioned, our Discord is open for everybody, if you would like to take part.
you could give it a shot. how you shared everything here is a big important first step, be proud of yourself and
give yourself also some time to reflect on that. by far the hardest step is to reach out and take action towards
speaking out, what lies on your mind.
when you want things to change for you, you need to take the first step, that always should be given.
you did that here, you showed us heart and courage with that.
we all have our stories how we found this place. we all have struggles and worries.
i am a bit older than you, i regret so much i did in my life over the last years, over my past in general. but also it is
the past, it can not be redone or changed. you can now take a step today, for your tomorrow.
how you react and act is in your hands. how you manage your life. we all have only one. we are all the same.
there should be no fault in life. only learning. see your past as progress of learning, of how you can do it otherwise.
writing helps a lot, it can be a huge coping mechanism for you. maybe a journal could be something for you ?
what i do now is, that i have two books, one for me and one for work. i write everything down, all of my toughts and
Happy to have you here my friend. share and express yourself anytime. you are loved and you matter most ! :purple_heart:
feel hugged


I think @I-Am-Reclaimer gave pretty solid advice with offering the HeartSupport server. If you do have Discord, maybe using https://disboard.org/ and finding servers with similar interests like you have may help you find some friends to talk to! A lot of public servers open up an introductions channel, and you can put that you’re anxious and want to meet new people at your own pace on it!

I’m not entirely sure if you struggle with anxiety or just feeling anxious, but some resources like this one:

Please let me know if I can help find more resources for you! Wishing the best for you, and take care of yourself. :))


From: Mamadien

SliceofBread, Welcome to Heart Support. I’m glad you came and felt safe telling us about who you are. It’s good to get to know you. I know that Reclaimer and everyone else have given you wonderful tools to look at for dealing with anxiety and depression. I just want you to know that you are so very welcome here as part of this community. You are welcome to join the discord for heart support and if you are available at all during the day there are Heart Support streams on Twitch. But most of all, please know that you matter, you do have friends here and we would love to get to know you better.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Welcome to Heartsupport, I am so very sorry that you have felt this way throughout your life, a lot of people think its easy to mingle and make friends but it isnt especially if you are a quiet and shy individual, Instead of people trying to get to know you they tend to avoid you out of awkwardness. I can relate to a lot of what you have written, I have a lot of online friends but only a couple of rl ones and I rarely see them due to them being busy working or having family. This is not about a fault of yours its who you are and there is nothing wrong with who you are, We have twitch streams on heartsupport that would be a great place for you to join in, there are lots of us in there that get to know oneanother, chat and enjoy ourselves and we all have our own issues that we sometimes discuss, I am going to give you the link to it. I personally would love to see you in there, you dont have to talk at first if you dont want to, just watch how it all works if you dont know twitch. maybe doing that and getting to know people on there may help in the longrun with building outside friendships. I have found it incredibly helpful. Im so sorry by the way about your cat, again I can totally relate, my best friend, my pet passed away at the end of last year and it broke my heart and I didnt know what to do about it, i was broken. So the worry you have is understandable and I hope that your other cat gets to spend a lot more time with you, and that you make the most of the time you have left with them. You have friends now, you are loved here. Lisa. x

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From: Dr Hogarth

Hi SliceOfBread,

First of all welcome and thank you for sharing your story.

I can relate to so much of what you’ve shared. I’m a few years older than you, but I don’t have a friendship group either. Being lonely can be hard and being surrounded by social pressures that are telling you that you need to be a certain way or live a certain life doesn’t help. Actually, what struck me most about your post was right at the end; you said it was your fault because you’re shy and quiet. Being introverted is not a failing. There isn’t a right way to exist and a wrong one; we each occupy our own unique place in the world that is ultimately neither right nor wrong.

Ultimately, if you strip away what you think you “should” be doing or who you “should” be from the equation, do you feel happy with the way your life is? That’s the only question that matters. What you sister is doing, or how many friends other people have doesn’t really matter, that’s their business. I know how easy it is to feel like you’re doing life wrong, but a huge part of life is realising what makes “you” happy.

As one quiet and shy woman to another, give yourself a break. I accepted a couple of years ago that my life is going to be a bit weird and that actually I quite like having friends (who are mostly online) at arms length. That wasn’t an easy thing to accept. Maybe you’ll decide that actually you are not in the place you truly want to be, but I think a big part of your journey is going to be accepting who you are and knowing that who you are is not wrong or inadequate.

Take care. x

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