So a little backstory I’m a very opinionated kid. My parents are very opinionated and old fashioned. I’ve never really fit into the stereotypical family (at Least what my family thinks that is). I always want to help make decisions with my family but my parents being old fashioned and all just want my to shut up and do what they say. I understand that they want what’s best for me and think what they say is what’s best for me. But aren’t I the only one who knows what’s best for me. I do try to listen to them because it makes them happy. But a lot of times I think things should be a little different. Do you have any advice on how to tell them this. I just want to be accepted a little more. If this dynamic between us doesn’t change I’m worried that I may have to move out for my mental health, I don’t want to because I love them dearly but I don’t know what other options I have. Sorry for the long post and happy holidays
Hey Nate, I understand the situation you are in. I know someone close to me that was in a similar situation. It is difficult when they don’t even let you voice an opinion. My advice, even tho it is quite difficult, is to approach them in a respectful manner. That seems to be the only way they may take a suggestion. But on the other hand, if it’s a toxic environment and you are able to move out, go for it!
Have you tried to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel? Maybe you should sit down with them and let them know how you feel and they should listen to your opinions they don’t need to agree with you but you have a say what you want to say. I wish you the best of luck
You know yourself better than anyone, and no one can tell you how you do or should feel. Your parents have lived through a lot and have learned hard lessons along the way, lessons you haven’t had the opportunity to learn yet. That’s not to say they’re right–they can’t feel what you feel or experience your life for you. The world is different now than it was even 10 years ago.
Strong-headedness doesn’t help anything, but to run a household where they’re not open to input tells me that they’re clinging to control, trying to put out a perfect image of your household to the world. It’s their version of the “perfect” Instagram photo. But I promise you they remember what it was like to be young. It was hard for them, and it’s been hard for every young person ever as they are trying to figure out who they are in the world.
As for talking to them about it, fighting only drives wedges between people. Even if you’re right, they’ll just resent you for it. This will feel really awkward, but pick a time where there’s peace in the house and try having a conversation with your dad, outside, in private but not enclosed together. Don’t point fingers at him, that will just make him defensive. Tell him your side of the story and what you’d like to see change. Then listen to his response and try to understand where he’s coming from. Hopefully that opens up a dialogue, and maybe a new chapter of your relationship. I hope this works. If it doesn’t, you’ve done your part and that’s all you can do. But saying you love them dearly tells me you have hope, that you haven’t written them off and you want to build peace, and that is a MAJOR positive start.