So, I was playing d&d with my friends a couple weeks ago and it was like any other night we played d&d, the only thing different was there was a new person playing with us (the person was a friend of the DM) and I thought nothing of it. That was until one of the friends I play with made a dirty joke that had me in it (like any other night) so in response to the joke I slammed my hand on the table saying I was Asexual (this was not the first time I’ve come out as Ace to this group) but the new person that was playing with us didn’t understand and asked what I meant, I responded with something along the lines of ‘I hate even the idea is sex it absolutely disgusts me and I’ve thrown up at even the mention of it before’ (which it true) but when I said this he looked really confused but what kinda scares me is he looked Disappointed. What makes it even worse is he was making jokes all night which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that they where all rape jokes, and he made them every 5 minutes. Now, I can handle a couple rape jokes here and there but he was driving me insane making a joke at least every 5 minutes.
I just don’t really know how to react.
I feel like you need better friends. At the very least this new guy. I would make it clear to your friends that he was out of line and you felt uncomfortable. I wouldn’t hang out with him again. You don’t have to hand around him for the sake of “politeness”
Tell them not to mention those kind of jokes again. If they don’t, it is better for you to not to be friends with them. Find a group of people who will respect you, and set boundaries. Sex is a gift. Don’t see it as an enemy. I hope you will feel better. Thank you for sharing. Take care.
@Luca ,
im sorry they were doing that and that is not acceptable . I hope things get figured out.
hold fast you’re worth it!
-ashley
@Luca ,
also, : there was this time this year where i was at lunch and this kid , showed me a picture but also a video of a men body part and it generally disgusted me because it wasnt acceptable and i let someone know and got told to stay away from them. please continue to speak how you feel because your feelings are worth explaining how your feel.when this happened the dude was friends with my boyfriend so it was hard to be around even though there was times where it gave me anxiety… anyway i hope things get better and things get settled - you are not alone
but rape jokes are NEVER ok. and if ur friends do not respect your beliefs and sexuality, etc, you may want to find some new friends or address to them that what they are saying and the way they are treating you is not ok. i speak up to my friends when they make jokes that i dont feel comfortable with. It may seem like ur maybe a downer or party pooper but do what you have to do. Rape jokes are never ok. if they dont respect it, then they’re not true friends
A lot of people are Asexual. It’s a lot more common than many people realize. You’re not alone in that feeling. It’s really screwed up that someone would make those jokes and I am sorry you had to go through that. It’s incredibly strong of you to just throw that out there and tell them to back off and hush. Rape jokes aren’t funny but rape jokes about people are horrific. Asexuality is incredibly confusing to a lot of people because it is such a vast sexuality. One of my sexuality’s falls under the Ace spectrum and and it has taken me a long time to find where I can fit in with my own crew. I have an online community of almost 100% lgbt+ folk and that was important to me. I suggest that you try to find like minded people and a friend group of people that respect you as a person and you as a friend.
Most second hand comic book shops run d&d games and they almost never take that kind of bull crap. LARPing (which is d&d but acted out) is an incredible community. It is something I have taken a big liking to because I’ve had the same issue in the past and it is a very loving community.
I’m sorry that you were put through this and you don’t deserve this treatment by people you considered friends. I suggest you look for communities. If you ever want help searching for online lgbt+ community let me know. I run my own discord server and I know of many others.
Keep up the good work, we’re all proud of you.
You got this,
Ethan/StevenHawkingTalkingDirty
@Luca Hold Fast friend. If you’d like this artwork that I drew for you, email me: [email protected]
I’m not perfect and I’ve not experienced everything that others have experienced that makes them feel a certain way about a certain topic. But I believe it is incredibly insensitive for anyone to assume that everyone feels the same way that they do, and so I make it a point to check myself in any kind of social situation and to make sure that others know they are respected as humans first and foremost. I am not above anyone else for what I do or don’t believe, and so I believe we all need to remember this and simply treat each other with a uniform level of humility and dignity and realize that we don’t know what’s going on in the lives of someone we just met.