Hi everyone. I Hope you are doing well.
I havent posted in a while so here is a little update on what has been going on in my life. I am currently doing better. I am making progress on some of the problems that has been bugging me and my family supports me which is great. I know a lot of you cant say the same, that is why i am grateful for it. I still feel numb most of the time tho. And i dont enjoy things as i used to. And i dont have a lot of energy either. Things are going fine but nothing is good or great. There are moments where i feel good but these are just moments like when a new song comes out or something. I am no longer having daily suicidal thoughts but i dont feel grateful to be alive. I dont feel sorry for what i was trying to do i feel sorry for the pain i might have caused to the people that love me. If this is how i feel when my life is going fine, how will i feel when isnt. Anyway thanks fo reading. I wish you all a good day.
Doing better, making progress and no daily suicidal thoughts! That’s a big victory and is AWESOME! I understand life still sucks, maybe you are still not where you want to be despite your progress but im so proud of you for your accomplishments. Give yourself a pat on the back, you’re doing great friend! keep up the good work!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share these updates. It’s so important to not just reflect on ourselves when things are going downhill, but also when there is actual progress and/or good things happening. Even just to keep a reminder of it for when we feel down again. Congrats for your progress, and also for being aware of the support that you have in your life. It’s so important to make sure we use the resources that are available to us and that we reach out to people who are willing to listen and encourage us.
I dont feel sorry for what i was trying to do i feel sorry for the pain i might have caused to the people that love me. If this is how i feel when my life is going fine, how will i feel when isnt.
It’s tempting to believe that life is made of good/bad times. But there are actually a lot of intermediate states that we don’t necessarily envision at first. You are experiecing one of those, it is something new for you, and it makes sense to wonder if this is what it is when you are okay. I believe that it’s not though. Being okay can be defined in many ways. It can be the absence of pain, it can be feeling at peace, or feeling joy, or feeling a sense of purpose, etc… All of these alone can contribute to moments of being “fine” in your life, depending on what makes sense to you personally. Here, you are more in a state of numbness, as you said, where suicidal thoughts are no longer there - which is a success - but still something is missing. It is a step further, friend. And you are still learning to walk. It’s okay if your life isn’t suddenly bright and wonderful after being safer, emotionally speaking, even if it is frustrating. Life isn’t just the negation of what bring us down. That itself is more like a step. A pre-condition to make sure that we can actually reach a better state, feel better. That’s why so many things are promoted when it’s about mental health: good sleep, healthy eating, healthy relationships, managing stress, talking/seeing a therapist, etc. It’s the combination of these steps that puts us in a better condition. You create a healthier path and a healthier environment for yourself, one that will maximize your possibilities to open your wings and learn to fly. Just like flowers need a certain amount of sun, water, specific temperatures and care, you are learning to create your own, fertile ground. One that will allow you to bloom in a beautiful way.
Be patient with yourself, friend. You’re on the right track.
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