My father came down for the holidays to see Kiera since the last time he visited Kiera was still in the NICU and I was about to go back to the hospital with sepsis.
Its always wierd to have him around. I get along with him way better than my mom and step dad, but some of the stuff he says is just off the wall or rubs me the wrong way.
Today we were talking and he mentioned how he has gained weight over the holidays as many do. I mentioned how I feel like my metabolism has been shot since I had Kiera, which is part of it, but also the aches and pains from the CP getting worse. But I can’t mention any kind of health issue with him telling me some simple as thing when he has no idea.
Can’t lose weight? Go do something outside. Yea… even though I have a stationary bike and a stepper machine, weights etc, but that doesnt mean much when your joints regularly hurt and have muscle spasms back enough to need to take a muscle relaxer every 6 hours. Or the fact that pushing myself way too hard for way too long is what got me in this situation in the first place.
I cant talk about my anxiety because its not that big of a deal, I just need a hobby. Disregard all the anxiety/depression/personality disorder diagnosis because you cab just push through those. Oh and that blood pressure medicine isnt needed, just work it out. Ha. Yea.
So I’m just frustrated because just pushing through things for most of my life has now started to break me down physically and people are still telling me all the simple fixes that will make my life all better. If it was that easy I wouldnt need physical therapy or the cocktail of medications that keep me from stroking out.
Hi Sapphire, I hear you! I really do. I am glad however that your dad did come and see you and Kiera, it sounds like it was a while ago.
It certainly can be very frustrating when the health problems that you live with every single day, that affect your way of life in virtually every way are looked at, at being “just one of those things” and something that is easily fixed if you just “stopped thinking about it and did something about it” Not only is that totally disregarding your health issues its doing exactly the same to your feelings. I had the same problem for a lot of my life with both my dad and my brother, it took my brother to actually end up with depression and anxiety himself before he finally understood that it wasnt something that was made up just so I didnt have to do certain things.
I can see why you are frustrated, of all people you should be able to open up to your Dad about how you feel and he do everything he can to help you and Im so sorry that is not the case. would your dad have been difficult if you had tried to explain how he made you feel? I know I have had to explain to my dad at times that keeping my chin up isnt going to fix everything even though I know it comes from a good place. It would be great if you could talk to him about your feelings.
I do hope you manage to have a good christmas friend and you know that we are all here for you if you need us. Much Love lIsa x
There is no explaining anything to that man. He legitimately thinks he knows everything. Whenever I would try to explain something, for example an item Kiera’s growth specialist gave her for therapy, he repeatedly cut me off because he thought he knew what I was going to say when he didnt.
I have an older brother like that. Often wrong, but never in doubt. Does he ask questions, then cut you off when you try to answer? If so, stay calm and stop answering him altogether until he asks you why you aren’t answering. Then explain that you’re no longer willing to be cut off, as you deserve more respect than that. As often as he tries to interrupt you, that’s how often you need to end the conversation.
That will lead to one of two outcomes. Either he will get angry and leave in a huff, or he’ll begin to genuinely respect you. Typically, people put up with those who behave like your dad, thereby reinforcing the bad behavior. That’s so common that the “know it all” is likely to believe he’s not the problem, and it’s the listener’s fault for not allowing him to aggressively impart his “wisdom.”
Because you’re a special person to him, you stand a better chance than most in teaching him to be a decent listener.
It also sounds like he sees other people’s problems as having simple solutions that he can easily provide. There’s this thing called the “Dunning/Kruger effect,” in which a person assumes he knows more than he actually does. It sounds like your dad suffers from that syndrome. If that’s the case, he may have the best of intentions and care deeply for you, but just can’t help himself when it comes to offering simplistic and ineffective advice.
Maybe this can provide a bit more insight:
Dunning-Kruger Effect | Psychology Today.
That sounds about right, Wings.
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