I wanted to post something uplifting this time. After being completely stagnant for about 3 years. I started to see a lot of big improvements in my well-being from the start of 2021 this year and towards the end.
I used to be really codependent. My last relationship really ended that pattern of always giving my energy way and feeling like I always needed someone to reaffirm that I was loved and that they were going to stay with me. I used to play mind games or “test” people to see if they loved me. Sometimes it was unconscious.
Nowadays I find it easier to affirm love to myself. I started to like my features more. And pretty sure my body dysmorphia disappeared. Some days when I get super bloated, I just laugh it off and continue on.
I don’t feel like I need love anymore. I really want a relationship, but it doesn’t feel like I would be completely miserable without it.
There was an adventure novel that I had started planning when I was 14 years old. I found it hidden in old files. I marveled at the creativity and wondered why I thought I was so horrible at being creative. Wanted to do my past self a favor and decided to start writing chapters and editing the plot. I don’t know if it will be something I will publish. But I’m just doing it for me right now. It’s fun to connect with my old self
I also created a more healthy relationship with food. I’m not starving myself, nor am I binging to compensate for feeling terrible. Even started working out
I try to give people chances but now I know I can’t keep letting people cross my boundaries. And i’m taking more steps to protect myself
Though I think everything in my life is moving a bit fast now after not taking care of myself and my responsibilities for a few years. I’ll be 18 next year and I feel so far behind and lost. IThinking about paying taxes, owning a house, and driving a car are things I am kind of worried about. But I’m just trying my best and looking out for what comes next.