I wanted to post something uplifting this time. After being completely stagnant for about 3 years. I started to see a lot of big improvements in my well-being from the start of 2021 this year and towards the end.
I used to be really codependent. My last relationship really ended that pattern of always giving my energy way and feeling like I always needed someone to reaffirm that I was loved and that they were going to stay with me. I used to play mind games or “test” people to see if they loved me. Sometimes it was unconscious.
Nowadays I find it easier to affirm love to myself. I started to like my features more. And pretty sure my body dysmorphia disappeared. Some days when I get super bloated, I just laugh it off and continue on.
I don’t feel like I need love anymore. I really want a relationship, but it doesn’t feel like I would be completely miserable without it.
There was an adventure novel that I had started planning when I was 14 years old. I found it hidden in old files. I marveled at the creativity and wondered why I thought I was so horrible at being creative. Wanted to do my past self a favor and decided to start writing chapters and editing the plot. I don’t know if it will be something I will publish. But I’m just doing it for me right now. It’s fun to connect with my old self
I also created a more healthy relationship with food. I’m not starving myself, nor am I binging to compensate for feeling terrible. Even started working out
I try to give people chances but now I know I can’t keep letting people cross my boundaries. And i’m taking more steps to protect myself
Though I think everything in my life is moving a bit fast now after not taking care of myself and my responsibilities for a few years. I’ll be 18 next year and I feel so far behind and lost. IThinking about paying taxes, owning a house, and driving a car are things I am kind of worried about. But I’m just trying my best and looking out for what comes next.
Hi Amaris
Thank you so much for writing this. It really brings a smile to my face. Your post is full of hope and love and not just the love of others of a love of yourself too. That is amazing.
That is very important. You are truly making some good progress.
I used to write a lot when I was like 14-16. Now not so much. I wanted to return to it for some time but didnt have the energy so far and the time. Hope your writing goes better than mine.
Wow just wow. Those are some huge steps. I hope you will continue doing better. You are on a good path. I wish you the best of luck.
I believe you’re describing a sense of independence, rather than an absence of love. I suspect you’ve blossomed in the ability to love yourself. That’s a very good thing, as without self-love, your ability to love others suffers. Self-love is a prerequisite to empathy. It’s not possible to understand the needs of others unless you’ve come to understand them in yourself.
A relationship between two people who can be autonomous, can be a union of freedom and strength, because the basis of it is simply the pleasure of each other’s company, rather than feeling as though they need to be clingy in order to survive emotionally.
Hi Amaris! I just wanted to say this is really inspiring and it’s awesome that your wellbeing is improving! Also it’s really cool that you’re writing a novel and continuing your plans, I’m always really amazed by creative writers because of the way they can tell stories and build worlds with words. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and it’s also good that you’re setting boundaries and figuring out what you want to welcome in your life to keep safe and happy.
I’m 23 and I’m in the same boat as you. I don’t know your situation but if you’re able to take your time and have support or help around planning those things it might be useful for you. I’m just taking things a day at a time and doing what I’m able to do All the best!
Heck yeah to positive progress and that is awesome to hear! I will say don’t fret all of the bigger stuff such as owning a house right at the moment as they will come your way eventually. Keep working at it with what you are doing now and believe me more doors will continue to open for you. And we’re always here if you need anything. All the best my friend! crazytrain116/Evan
Hi Amaris, It sounds like your moving forward with things, that’s great! Just remember that you don’t have to worry so much about the big things right now. Buying a house is something down the road, ya know? I’m proud of you for working on yourself so hard! ~Mystrose
Hey Amaris, I would just like to say how that I absolutely loved your post, I found it, heart warming, uplifting and so very mature. I think your outlook is wonderful and i encourage you to keep writing that adventure novel. You seem to have got to a place in your life where you are growing and moving forward and that is amazing and i wish you all the luck in the world.Thank you for sharing this. Much love Lisa
