Just done with the way I'm getting treated

[SlothGirl]

Tonight, I got a bit of a lecture from my mom for doing nothing since classes have been over, which is not true. She complains that I use twitch and discord Non-stop which I am not on it every second that I am awake. Like always I feel controlled, which never seems to go away.
She set some rules up, which I think is very unfair. I am 20 years old. I should be free to do as I please during summer break, I’m not under 18…mom… My mom thinks that its okay to set up a rule where I have to set my phone in one certain location for the whole day, untouched in her eyesight and charged. This is not fair. It’s like I am under 18 or something. If I need to communicate with friends, or do something that makes me happy, and laugh… I should be allowed to do so.
With her, I am not allowed to be happy, she hates my laughs and I have to be serious, or something on that borderline.
On the daily, I feel like she doesn’t understand what makes me happy. Chatting on discord, watching twitch, playing games, streaming on my channel, and Art (Graphic Design) is what makes me happy. Damn I WISH SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT.
There are days that I swear that her brain is 1cm in size, its unbelievable. Her brain is filled with anger, I don’t know how to approach to her that her brain is screwed the wrong way.
This is where she tells me almost on the daily that I have a “dumb brain” or “an undeveloped brain.” Today she thought that I didn’t understand that I need to pay my college loan after I graduate. I know this, and I’m not a noob, mom. No matter how times I’ve said that “I know this.” She complains and shouts over and over that I don’t. It gets to the point that we are shouting at each other over and over and I start slamming things. I also hide in the bathroom or my bedroom to sit, dwell over this craziness, and cry. She also thinks that I live in this “little world” which is what’s on twitch and discord, I swear that that I know what goes on IRL.

I guess I’m just a “f-ing pain” to you mom and NOTHING ELSE! -goes to the pillow and cries to sleep-

[Micro]

Your mom sounds to be very controlling, and she shouldn’t tell you what she said. Being repeated constantly that you have a “dump brain” is hurtful. I’m sorry she told you such things. And I’m sorry she doesn’t seem to understand what makes you happy. Maybe there’s also a difference of generation here. We often hear parents being worried for their children - kids and adults - because they spend a lot of time behind their computer or on the phone. But most of the time, it’s not expressed the right way.

Your situation reminds me a cycle that I witnessed in my own family, between my parents and my brother, for too many years. He didn’t follow the path they expected - gave up on his studies, spent a lot of time in his bedroom, on his computer, had several part time jobs that weren’t “rewarding” enough to my parents. As my brother stayed at the family home until he was 30, cohabitation wasn’t easy. So there was this cycle in their relationship when they’ll be okay, then we could feel some tension progressively until they had a big argument. After that, my brother would avoid everyone as much as possible and hide in his own “little world”- to use your words. Both of their position was valid. But also, they didn’t know how to communicate together - at all. My parents felt like they failed with my brother. And my brother felt like he was disappointing to them. But they never said it to each other. They just kept fighting, most of the time for very insignificant things. And the fact that they had to live in the same place for a long time didn’t help.

It sounds that your mom here has some expectations towards you that she doesn’t really express - or, again, not the right way. It seems that a real discussion would be needed. In a moment when you’d be both calm, collected, and okay to discuss. You said she has a lot of anger and you don’t know how to approach her. Maybe writing could be a thing to consider?

It’s not an easy thing to do though, especially if you’re not used to communicate in a more vulnerable way. But it sounds that this would be very needed, so you could both try to have a better understanding of each other. I’m not saying she’s right and you’re wrong. Again, I think what she said to you is disrespectful and she has to learn to see you as an adult. But also, maybe there’s a step to make on your end, to let her know how her attitude, her words, makes you feel, and why you deserve to be respected. Again, in a moment when you’d be both calm and collected, as much as possible.

I hope the situation will get better between you two. And I hope you’ll take care of yourself today. There’s a lot of emotions involved in this situation. You have the right to rest, friend, and to regain the peace that you need in your heart.

I’m glad you have this “little world”. I know how important and impactful it is to be part of online communities, to interact during Twitch streams and on Discord. Also how much art is important to your heart. I hope your mom will understand that. Hope that she will learn to embrace, with you, what makes you happy. Also that you’d open some doors for her to actually see and understand.

Take care, friend.

[NotACat]

The fact that you were very specific about the size of her brain in metric units tells me you are a smart person with potential. I am a parent of two boys 18 and 21. Let me let you in on a little secret, adult to adult. I’m scared as fuck as to what the future holds for me and my family right now. This pandemic has everyone over a barrel and it seems like your mom is looking for ways to control you because things are so out of control. I struggle with treating my adult children as adults because I raised them. I would ask your mom to please work on treating you more like an adult by asking “Would you talk to an adult the way you talk to me?” She of course will defend herself at first, but if you consistently act and respond to her like an adult, things will eventually get better.