Just letting stuff out

I feel like I’m soo problematic cuz the same stuff keeps happening to me . I’m kinda hurting rn because my mom kicked me off I lost a long term friend over $200 I’m 20 without a drivers license or a job my mother in law to be took me in and we got into an argument sort of …something is wrong with me and my tones because everything I say comes off as rude or slandering (I think I may have rubbed her the wrong way) and that’s Literally not the case we were talking about furniture and how I think it’s a better idea to finance furniture rather than just buying it because in reality who the heck just outright buys brand new furniture!!! She told me she was good at saving and that she could buy furniture like that and that when financing you end up paying double what that furniture is worth and so on I told her that’s not always the case she said In her experience she always had bad credit so her interest rates were high …in that case fur each it’s own me on the other hand I wouldn’t have that problem because my credit is fine .to put things in perspective me and my fiancé plan on moving in together when he gets off deployment he’s comming back with at least 15,000 the military covers our housing and he also plans on buying a car let’s just say we won’t have very much spending money left to outright buy furniture like that and I didn’t mention that he also has this preconceived notion that starting out were gone be able to Just out right buy a house full of furniture :sweat: his mom at one point has her lights and water among other bills unpaid at one point she even filed bankruptcy…but at least she had furniture that was payed off I think it’s silly to drop tons of money on the front end on furniture especially with a new baby on the way it literally makes no sense in my case to do that …I then explained to her that is kinda a new and weird concept to me because every one I’ve even know or in my family has always financed there further and of course they own it now my grandparents have had several living room and dining room sets financed eventually owned an given away … then eventually I tried to change the subject because contrary to the popular belief I don’t like arguing …so I say it’s so interesting to see how different house holds were ran and how people grew up not saying either way is wrong or right it’s just different …then I was telling her how I grew up having a bed time and having a specific tv time and play time and nap time and since I lived with my grandma I was saying how attentive she was of us I then turned and asked how my fiancé grew up …which
I probably shouldn’t ve mentioned because said she didn’t have time for that stuff but her kids were well behaved she said that she was too busy working to pay her HALF of the bills to worry about all they …which again my face told it all because I grew up in a household where my dad payed all the bills and it was the same fur my friends parents…my dad and grandpa expected nothing from there spouse but for them to take care of their house and their kids and if they wanted to work they could …she then said to me well he payed the majority of the bills and never slacked until he started cheating and it became hard to support two house hold she said that she refused to pay any of his allotted bills because of the fact it want her responsibility sometimes they went unpaid because of that simple fact …then I said maybe that system of splitting bills worked for you but I rather not uses it I feel like it bring about division it feels as if your more room mates then partners …she kept trying to make it seem like I just don’t wanna work but that’s not the case lol a wife can contribute to the household sometimes if not monetary I said again it’s two different ways neither right or wrong I just prefer the way I was taught …she was being shady and mumbled something about me having a rude awakening and I was like oh I don’t know what you mean by that I hope she’s not planning on planting currpt seeds in my fiancé’s head …she keeps throwing comments In about personal stuff I’ve told her about my family and how “so your not perfect” and I’ve never claimed to be but like I rather stick with a system that I know works my parents have been married for like 19 years and my grandparents fur like 60 something but my mother Im Law has been divorced like 4 times :expressionless: I’m currently in the process of untecheaching my fiancé some of the crazy ways I g thinking he has and I’m honestly still learning him and just by listening to the way his mom talks I can understand why he thinks the way he thinks his mom is a Christian but she is very much in the world I’m also a Christian and I try to teach him why some of his ways are wrong according to the Bible because my grandpa was a pastor i know a lot about the Bible and I come from a traditional Chris family him On the other hand not so much like he believes and stuff but his religion doesn’t hold as much value to him and I do mine and neither does his mom so y’all pray for me mr cuz im tryna make sure my fiancé gets saved for real I’m trying to show him a better way without him feeling like I’m judging or trying to change him and his mom os no help cuz she needs saving too :joy:I don’t always set the best examples but I’m trying so I asks that y’all jus be with me this n prayer to help me improve my walk in christ so I can be the example he never had …I’m so supper thankful for the site it helps me a lot with just getting stuff off my chest I feel like I can speak and not be judged or have to worry about anything I say comming baxk up in future conversation…this was so random but yeah that’s all

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Wow that was a lot to get off your chest! I hope you feel better.

In-law drama is one of the top causes of tension and stress in marriages. Before you get married, you need to make sure that you and your fiance are on the same page regarding each other’s parents, and particularly his mom if she’s going to try to insert herself into the marriage. If she gets into his head, he will compare your thoughts and opinions to hers. She is not part of the marriage. She can judge all she wants, and she can even give loving advice, but in the end it’s not her call, and it’s important that both you and your fiance agree that she needs to drop it.

She’s not entirely wrong about financing furniture if you can’t get a good rate. If your credit is good and you shop at the right time, you can probably get 0%, then it makes total sense to finance as long as you keep up on payments. If she was paying higher rates, then yes financing would leave a bad taste in her mouth, but again it’s not her business what you and your fiance do. Those are things you’ll have to figure out for yourself. For what it’s worth, my first furniture came from consignment stores and was in good shape for WAY less than it would have been new, so that’s something you might consider; but I also understand new home, new family, new start.

Finances in general can be another big stressor in a marriage, and it sounds like y’all came from WAY different schools of thought on money. It will be really important to get on the same page, give and take some, and come up with a plan that works for both of you. If you want advice on combining finances from a Christian perspective, both of you should check out some of the works by Rachel Cruze.

Coming from different backgrounds isn’t a bad thing. You could have a lot to teach each other, as long as both of you are willing to learn from each other. I hope you have a blessed marriage, that you’re able to fight fairly and disagree respectfully, and that you can be a united front against anyone who might try to get between you.

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Yess thank you for you’re perspective and I’ll look into that author …other then little stuff me and my mother and law get along but she is terrible with financial things and my fiancé kinda is too :sweat_smile:🥲.

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