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Just need some unbiased advice


#1

So I’m currently engaged and have been with my fiancee for 5 years engaged for 3. The first 4 years of our relationship were not perfect by any means but were definitely the happiest. This past year things have changed dramatically. His dad needed a place to stay so I caved and let him stay with us and since that has happened my fiancee has been doing NOTHING but say I’m a b****,c***,w****… You get the gist. Well tonight he said some pretty choice words about how if I end up pregnant (which we were trying) he hopes I have a miscarriage because he wants nothing to do with me. That stung. I can forget about a lot he has said but not that. I feel so stuck because I do love him. But I don’t know how much more I can mentally and emotionally take. I literally contemplated suicide today. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not a depressed person at all but I don’t know what to do. The only thing really stopping me is I don’t want to do that to my dad nor my nieces and nephews.


#2

Relationships are hard. And the difficulty of a relationship can drastically multiply if you get into a hole of depression or even just pain. If there’s anything you need feel free to reach out in a message and I will gladly help you through this time in your life. I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman who did very similar things. Things like that can break a person into pieces. Forgive him, but do it for you. Don’t hold on to unwanted pain


#3

I’m also here for you to reach out to… I’ve been both the jerk that had everything and wasted it…and the gentleman most don’t see these days that gets hurt for being kind. Idk if any of my advice will prove helpful but I’m here too. We all got to learn to come together to help each other heal


#4

I know your name is nevergoodenough but just know you are definitely good enough! I’m sorry to hear of the frustrations you are going through. I can’t believe someone in your own household would use words like that and say them to you directly. I know forgiveness is tough in painful moments but @Mike33 is right. Forgive him but do it for yourself. That is great advice! It doesn’t mean things will be all better but it’s a step in the direction for personal healing.

Thank you for being open about your suicidal thoughts. I, too, have been dealing with thoughts like that recently surrounding my severe depression and feeling like I am doing nothing for anyone in this world. It hurts having those thoughts.

Please know we are all here for you and that we care! Stay strong my friend!


#5

Wow, I’m so sorry that you are going through that. Sounds like you need to pull your fiancé aside and have a heart to heart talk about where the relationship is going. Explain to them how you are feeling and how that effects you. Maybe express that if the father staying is part of the issue that you find an alternative solution. That or things need to change.

I’m so sorry that someone you love so much is calling you such cruel and toxic things and treating you so poorly. That’s awful!

If someone loves you, they should never speak to you like that, even when frustrated. It’s such a terrible habit to feed. And can drive such a wedge in relationships. When things are hard and frustrating, you guys should be able to talk it out together and without a third party interfering.

I hope that you will be able to talk to your fiancé. And I hope that if his habits don’t change that you will leave. You deserve so much better than that.

Maybe holding off in trying to have a baby till things are more resolved would be emotionally and mentally better for you. Just in case. So that you know that when you have a baby that your environment is a safe and healthy one for both you and baby.

I hope for you that you can find peace in all of this. That you can find resolve in your relationship. And that you can both find forgiveness and healing. Communication is key. But please, seek out help if you need it. Don’t hurt yourself. You are far too important and hold too much value to take your life. Sounds like a lot of people would be really sad and miss you.

We are here to encourage and support you through this process. To offer you love and compassion. You don’t have to go at it alone.

Be safe my friend

  • Kitty

#6

Hey friend!

Thank you for sharing this with us. That takes a lot of courage and vulnerability and I promised your feelings will be honored here.

Firstly, I think I speak for all of us here when I say that we want you safe. Emotionally safe and physically safe. I want to encourage you to take care of yourself, first and foremost. You are beautiful, valued, and whole. You are not broken or unworthy. No matter what this fella says, you are not the derogatory crap he says to you, not at all.

It sounds like his dad is a pretty toxic character to your fiancee’s psyche. If that is the case, and this dad is causing your fiancee to treat you this way, than I think you need to take steps to protect yourself and your relationship with this guy. I don’t want to tell you what that looks like, that’s up to you to decide, but I just want to encourage you to not accept this situation as it is. You were not made to endure such a hatred from a loved one, none of us are. You deserve better than that.

Just know that you are loved and valued here.
Hold Fast, friend!

Sam S.


#7

Thank you guys so much for the kind words! It really has helped to see everyone’s point of view and it has given me a different perspective, I’ve had a way better day today and I realize I’m going to have to take it day by day if I want any of this to get better.