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Just need to clear my head

Hello again everyone.

This journal is more or less to get some stuff out of my brain and to kind of solidify what I rationally know is true and that my personality disorder tries to deny.

It’s getting to that time of year when my work load tends to pick up quite a bit, which is good. Days go by faster as I stay busy, etc.

A couple of days ago I got an order which has been pretty rocky so far. It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before, but just some things happened that made me frustrated because I felt like I was doing my best but I needed help and I couldn’t get it. I’ve put somewhere around 10 hrs of work into this so far and it’s like slamming my head against a wall. Im getting nowhere.

And so, the self sabotage that comes with my personality disorder came back strong the past couple of days - the thoughts that say I’m just not trying hard enough, I should have make SOME kind of progress after 10 hrs of work, why can’t I just do this myself… it goes on and on. Monday night I had trouble sleeping because I couldn’t solve the problem.

Yesterday I got really tired of those thoughts and I know it is not good for my mental health to think that way, and I also know that I am only one person and I’m not perfect and I can’t know everything all the time. My manager is always very adamant about doing what you can do in a day and then leaving work at work. For a long time I was doing better about this, and it’s probably the influx of more work, some of which is pretty complicated, that is bringing that inner voice back. No matter the cause, I wanted to get this out and tangible and remind myself I am human, I can only do so much in a given day, I have done what I can, I have reached out for help and I need to go easy on myself as stuff gets hard again.

So I guess this is me trying to be louder than my personality disorder.


you are human,
you are worthy,
you are loved!

Thank you for posting, and for getting it out. Hope it helps a bit to talk about it here.

We see your efforts and know you’ve been trying hard! Hope the little voice gets a bit more quiet, and you can feel proud of your accomplishments!

this is one of the most awesome things I’ve read :slight_smile:


Thank you so much. It helps to read this.

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always here to help remind you, friend :slight_smile:

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I’m right there with you right now. I feel you, and knowing how you feel about hugs, I’ll just send good vibes of understanding your way :slight_smile:

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Thanks, friend. :]

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