Just need to get my thoughts out

Hey everybody , my name is Kevin Thompson. I used to volunteer a lot for HeartSupport back at it’s inception and throughout until the last 3 years or so. My old username was DrumsNJesus91… anyway I only say that to say I love the work they do and I’m very familiar with the community and I read all the blogs/ I’ve purchased resources etc… anyway I just need to get my thoughts and story about what I’ve went through and where I am at now.

To make a long story short, I grew up with ADD , that affected me mentally growing up in many negative ways (academically, socially especially, it led to a lot of depression and anxiety, questioning what was wrong me with and how my brain functioned, and my general self worth - I never officially knew what it was until being diagnosed at 20)

I am now 27, and I want to share what God has done in my life since then, and where I am at now, and what I’m feeling/ dealing with and going through. I guess it seems most of my life has been a series of different kinds of pain, and learning and growing from that… I basically was on ADD medications that worked for about 5 years and I finally felt free and like my brain could function the way it was supposed to and like others do. It wasn’t a full proof solution , it still came with side effects and changing meds when I became tolerant… it was not a long term solution. It provided help when I needed it and I was very thankful for that… I went through a series of different schools, interests career wise and worked different jobs, until at 25 I drove a truck for 2 years, had ALL day (I had a long route, 12 hours sometimes) and I would listen to podcasts about health and the body.

I learned SO much, changed my diet and eventually got off medication , and felt even better mentally than i did when I was on medication. I couldn’t believe it, God healed me from something I thought i would potentially live with the rest of my life!! I was astounded, and I then continued on and listened to about 1000 logged hours about every topic imaginable related to health and how the body works, nutrition, sleep , stress, brain health, etc… I am an extremely extroverted person who thrives from working with and helping people, and after getting this top notch, free education, WHILE I was working a lot of overtime, I started noticing people were asking me questions and I was helping/ counseling ppl in this area and I eventually wondered if I could do it for a living… I got some career counseling, prayed a lot (just to clarify at this point, I’ve been a commited Christian for about 7 years now , and it’s everything to me), and I did some research and found a really affordable online school to become certified to be a health coach, it was almost overnight , the school has everything I was looking for career wise and educational wise… I finish the end of this year. So I am almost done. Now this is the shortened version of what I’ve been through and where I am at now.

What i need to get off my chest and process through is some REALLY hard things that have happened as well in the last 2-3 years. I Moved out of my parents at 25 (tried for many years before, but it just never worked out) Me and 3 other great Christian friends got a decent size rental house for really cheap, it was a dream come true, it felt like freedom, then we had a severe mold problem in our basement, it was subtle at first , and I spent time in the basement working out , playing video games, etc… once we realised how bad the mold was , i already breathed SO MUCH in, and I got very sick. For a month it felt like my brain was literally shutting down, and I was having problems breathing , among other issues. I one night had to go to the ER because it felt like I was going to die , I really thought that was it, but I made it through That night, and after my brain problems went away… I was left with chronic fatigue and extreme muscle weakness, it felt like lymes … but was diagnosed as toxic mold poisoning and chronic fatigue. It made my physical labor job MUCH MUCH harder (I’m athletic and in shape) and this was the start to an extreme test and trial in my life , on top of that over the 2 years driving the truck for HD supply I was dealing with working a job that isolated me for 40 to 60 hours a week, usually 50 or 60 and it was all starting to take a toll mentally, emotionally and physically. Some days by body could barely bet through the job, some days were tolerable, I tried getting disability and finding a different job, but this was my skill set throughout my 20s, and I’m not done school yet. So I kind of had to stay, I toughed it out and stayed. Throughout those 2 years I also developed a pattern of disordered eating, I have studied a lot about it and it’s not a life threatening or completely lost eating disordered, but I started using food to cope with what I was overwhelmed by, emotional eating, sometimes binging, eating when I wasn’t hungry, patterns of long fasting after a binge…

anyway for the last 6 months at HD supply, I started applying to all different kinds of jobs, and I eventually got hired by CarMax, as a cross trained employer to learn the entire business. Really longstory short they were not truthful about the job and it’s expectations and the extreme amount of stress and pressure made me quit, I couldn’t believe it, the closest thing to a dream job for me, second to what God has placed on my heart, was this job… or so I thought it would be. I eventually tried 2 other driving jobs, and both were super sketchy, no benefits, extreme amounts of labor my body wasn’t prepared to handle, etc… my work and career life felt like a mess… I was blessed and able to collect unemployment, as i currently am, God worked that out, and I have been since August 19th… really what I’m struggling hard core with the last 3 months is a lot of depression, loneliness and honestly I’ve been losing my mind being at home… extreme amounts of social isolation are very bad for the mind, and I’ve been having suicidal thoughts as of late. I also in the last 2 weeks have had serious heart palpitations and for about 8 days straight, again I thought i was going to die, I am currently seeking medical help for that, as well as a Christian counselor at an old college near me, I have a few Christian support groups, my mom and solid friends… but what has scared me the most is my mental health decline, and what it’s like to take a very extroverted and social person , and to isolate them for what feels like very long periods of time. Some days I can barely function, I feel like job, where Satan tested him and challenges came and we saw how he reacted and handled it. I am a HUGE lover of sports and grouo activities and physical challenges, and that was taken away, I almost died 2 times, have been dealing on and off with depression, more so lately, and I now know what it feels like to lose my mind and feel like I’m going crazy, I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts, mainly because i long to be with our creator Jesus and be free from the pain and struggle of this life and sinful world, not suicidal because I just want life to end and to feel nothing. I also know that i won’t go through with it , and I’m not making any plans too, I almost died twice and I am still here, so God has more for me to do, I also have been burnt bad by 2 very long and close relationships that almost led to marriage… anyway it just feels like I’ve been brought to the complete end of myself and brought to my knees , all I feel somedays is I can cry out to God , try to do my responsibilities and keep pushing forward. I am working towards being a full time health coach, and I look forward to hopefully, sooner than later getting a chance to do that as a career and keep pushing towards bigger goals and dreams God has given me, for now it is a time of extreme trial and testing , and i will do my best to stay close to him and keep my head above water

God bless you if you actually read all this and respond. I used to all the time on the support wall, I guess now it’s someone else’s turn to take that mantle

It’s been a while for me, but I deeply love and care about this community, always love to talk and make new friends and find out what people’s passions and dreams and beliefs are. Feel free to add me on Facebook, Kevin James Thompson, talk on here or text at 215
595, 6322

1 Like

Hi Kevin, thanks a lot for sharing.

You have done so much during all of your time spent on this platform, and I wish you the best for your future projects and life. Praying God to show you the best path for your success. You have still a lot to do on this Earth, and I believe your unconditional love and support will pay off.

I love you. Keep writing when you have the time, or when you feel the need.

1 Like

Hi kevin,
Wow man you are so so strong! Your belief in god and your religion are such a beautiful thing. I’m so sorry about your health implications, I can’t imagine how tough that must have been on you.

I know everything seems like a downhill slope and right now it’s really hard but as you said yourself God has a plan for you and just to let you know I think you are amazing and such an inspiration.
Hold fast friend,
Luna :heart:

Thanks man, God bless