So I got into somewhat of an argument with my brother the day before yesterday. My brother is 35 (same mom different dads) and I’m 22 so there’s a huge age difference. Because of my depression its hard to get things done. I feel so tired and sluggish half the time. My dad passed away last year and my brother told me that I was just like him because he had so many talents but never used them. Basically my brother was telling me that I just sit on my ass all the time and never use my gifts. The entire time I was trying so hard not to cry because I knew he wouldn’t understand. I shed a few man tears and I tried to explain to him that its not laziness but instead its my depression and the physical toll it takes on me is just too much sometimes. I just feel like no one really understands. Even on this website sometimes I really wonder if anyone knows what its like to watch someone you love die on your living room floor and then have to walk over that persons blood stain for 4 months because your leasing office is full of morons and bitches. It’s just hard because my state of mind has ruined so many opportunities I’ve had. I had an opportunity to play division 1 football but didn’t, and now everyone I used to play with is in the NFL and MLB, everyone says they love my music and I’ve had so many really good music connections but I never used them. Its got to a point where I’m just fed up with everyone and everything. I started working on a song today and MY GOD is the song really good. Music is definitely what will heal me and rid me of all this pain I feel everyday. I’m going to start taking music seriously again. Just needed to vent a little
Friend. No one knows exactly how you’re feeling, however we can all try to relate using experiences we’ve had. We love you, and we know you can get through this. Keep using your music and coming the wall. You’re so brave for posting this.
You’ve come to the right place to vent! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I completely understand how overwhelming it can feel when depression pins you with apathy. And you’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to watch someone you love die on your living room floor and then have to walk over that persons blood stain for 4 months. However, I can tell you this: In a way, your brother is passive-aggressively complimenting you. He sees something in you that you may or may not see in yourself. You have gifts and talents, and he’s calling you out on it. The only challenge is figuring out how to overcome the demon of apathy in order to utilize the gifts and talents that you’ve been blessed with. In fact, it sounds like you’re off to a great start by choosing to invest into your music. Start with baby steps. You’re strong. You got this. We believe in you.