Recently i was in hospital due to having a Manic and Depressive Episode which lead me to having a suicide plan. I was very traumatised by the hospital stay and came out worse then before. Now im having panic attacks, bursting into tears because i feel like my life has been ruined and lost to mental illness. I have been trying so hard to not cut because i dont want to do it anymore but i get exhausted trying to deal with all my emotions that i cant control. Im just feeling lonely and defeated. 
1 Like
Have you looked into complex PTSD? Many psychologists don’t recognize complex PTSD because it isn’t in the original DMI, but more and more trauma counselors are finding this to be a very valid and treatable mental illness. Cutting, panic attacks, emotional irregulations/flashbacks, also known as manic and depressive episodes, and other struggles based on the abuses of your past are all part of CPTSD. Flashbacks can be any kind, not just visual. CPTSD (Complex PTSD): What It Is, Symptoms & Treatment (clevelandclinic.org)
1 Like
Hi GrungeGirl,
I am glad that you made it through the hospital, although I wish you could have left feeling better than before. Hospitals are a place for us to heal, after all. It may be worth bringing up your experience to a professional who can help you.
It is understandable that you are exhausted after such an experience, so be sure to take care of yourself and rest if you need it. Know that even though you feel defeated, your efforts to overcome the urge to hurt yourself reflects your strength. Life will get better and there is so much more to gain from healing. Keep holding on and try to find a community that you enjoy being in. Having connections to others can help you regain your energy.
Here for you,
Gremlin
1 Like