Back to heartsupport

Just read the last bit

How do you know that you are trying enough?

How do you know that you cannot do it by yourself anymore?

How do you know when it is time to stop and get help?

How do you know it has been enough?

How do you know it is time to give up?

I think I need help, but I do not know how to.
I am struggling, a lot, but have been in self denial about it for too long. The thoughts of death and permanent solutions are back, and they terrify me.
The other day I almost attempted suicide again, after hurting myself for the first time in almost three years. And even though I think I deal with that now, I feel lost ad helpless in this.

I have no one close by who is willing to help me.
The closest person lives 1 hour away and she is super busy at the moment.

I said I won’t bother anyone anymore, so this might be my last post…

I want to say thank you for everyone who has supported me during my time here. You are all champions.

I am sorry.

Here is my takeaway:
You can win this battle that you are fighting, you are stronger than you think. There are so many people around you who love you, give them a chance to see you and love you the way you are supposed to be loved, unconditionally.
Love is not only the best days or the worst days, love is the tuesdays.
There is hope for you.
There is joy and love for you.
Better days are ahead, I promise.
Hold fast!

4 Likes

Hey – the last bit is sweet, but you almost had me skip over the important part…

You are not a burden.

What makes you believe that about yourself?

4 Likes

Hey @fiji,

We might not be close to you physically but we’re here for you. You are not alone.

Recently I’ve been struggling with the same questions that you asked. Hitted a very dark corner of my mind. So I don’t have the answers. But what I know is:

  • As long as we’ve got breath in our lungs, we can keep trying and going on. And there’s no reason to do that alone. You have friends here to remind you that you’re not a burden.

  • Isolating yourself isn’t a solution. It only makes things worse. You also know that. And we are willing to help here. You don’t bother anyone. So please keep fighting against this lie spiraling in your mind. Just like you did everytime you shared here about what’s going on in your life.

  • I sincerely care about you. If you want to take some time off HS then I’ll respect your choice. But please don’t do this as a way to hurt yourself. You only deserve to see that you’re loved and cared for. I want you to be safe. Always. You too are stronger than you think. And my DMs are always open to you.

Better days are ahead. It also applies to you.
Sending much love your way. :heart:

3 Likes

It can be hard sometimes to see and recognize that we need help. But when these dark thoughts are clouding our minds, is a good sign of knowing that we need to reach out. Friend, you matter. And I care about you. I am sorry that you are having a hard time right now. I am glad that I read all of your message and not just the bottom half because you deserve to share your feelings and you should. If you are hurting its good to talk about it. Its the best way to heal and get better. You know?

Things can get better sweetheart. It just takes a little time and effort. I’m sorry that the people who can help you are so far away. I know I can’t be there and a lot of us are super far, but we are still here to offer you love and support.

I have felt helpless. I’ve been there. I have hurt greatly. Especially after losing my health insurance. But this community has been such a huge impact on my life. There is a lot of amazing people here, including yourself. Embracing the love of the people here, participating in the streams…that has made a huge change in my life, in my thought process and my over all mental health. I hope that even in just the slightest bit that this community can give that to you.

Im sending you so much love right now. Stay strong sweet friend.

3 Likes

Hey my sweet friend. You are not a burden. You are a joy to know and to support. You try and you love ven when you aren’t feeling loved yourself. Even at the end of this post, in which your pain and heartache is so evident you take the time to make sure those who read this post are encouraged. THAT is who you are and that kind of love is desperately needed in this world. You are needed here and you have a purpose on this Earth. You were clean from harming for three years and that is amazing, this is not the end of that, it’s a chance to do it again. To recommit to loving yourself the way you love others.

I’m thankful for you. Your light shines brighter than you know.

T

2 Likes

@fiji

I ask myself similar questions too. You are going through rough patches, and that’s normal. Don’t let it stop you from pressing on. You are created by God, you have a purpose, and you have so much to live for. You are not alone.

1 Like

Thanks @Nate
I feel like I have nothing to give. And if I can’t give, why should I stay to keep taking?