I’ve always hated the way i look and i don’t think I’m pretty at all. i‘ve never understood why boys approach me because every time i look in the mirror i just see everything that’s wrong with me and i don’t understand how anyone could be attracted to me. sometimes i get with random boys at parties because for a few hours it does make me feel pretty and like someone could actually want me, but i always end up regretting it, and then feeling even uglier because these boys just think i’m pretty enough to get with but not pretty enough to actually be with
but then last christmas i met a boy and we just clicked, he took me on the most amazing dates and we spent new year’s eve together and i met his parents and for the first time in my life i felt like someone could actually want me. he met all my friends and my mum and dad and he even told me he loved me and i was so happy
but then after a while he started acting differently and stopped showing any interest in me, and then eventually just texted me saying he’s sorry and i’m a lovely girl but he needed to “work on himself”
and me being the absolute idiot that i am waited for him for over a month because i was hoping that after he had “worked on himself” he might come back
but then i was getting my hair done in town and he walked past me with another girl and i realised he never loved with me, and i’m fairly sure he was “love-bombing” me so that i would have sex with him because he told me he loved me literally the third time we met and i actually fell for it, looking back i realise how stupid i was
and now i just don’t trust any boys, my self esteem is on the floor and once again i get with random boys at parties for validation because i’m back to feeling like no one could ever want me
and now people call me a slag behind my back but it’s fine because i suppose i am, even if i never intended to be
welcome to the heartsupport forum, my friend, i’m so glad you’re here. i hope you can feel the full love and support of this community! i’m especially thankful for your vulnerability and willingness to open up about what’s weighing on you. low self-esteem is such a tough beast to battle against let alone conquer. all the boys who have treated you less than you’re worth have lost out on the chance to get to know a good person with a good heart. the same thing goes for the boy you spoke about in this post. with self-esteem, there’s only so much other people can say since this must be built up and re-enforced from within ourselves. you’ve been so burned by these people who couldn’t see past the temporary pleasure sex brings them and didn’t value you and the love you deserve to have and give. i encourage you with everything i got to start challenging the unkind thoughts you direct to yourself. you don’t deserve to endure the bombardment of negative self-talk. you deserve healing, unconditional love, and peace. all of that is in your horizon. i believe in you and am cheering you on. i hope we can all hear from you again soon on how you’re doing.
I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with self-esteem, and I’m also sorry about your experience with that person. I can understand how that experience worsened your self esteem and made you feel distrustful of men in general.
I think in this society there’s a lot of pressure to define our worth or beauty by how we are desired by others (even how we are desired by men specifically). It’s understandable to want to be loved, appreciated, complimented, and supported, but it’s not up to other people to tell you how beautiful or worthy or lovable you are. Whether or not you’re pretty doesn’t have to be up to anyone else but you.
Something that helps me is this page about Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, which talks about certain “irrational beliefs” one might have, and validating statements that challenge those beliefs. One of the statements I think you might resonate with is “Different people have different tastes. Therefore, no matter what you do, some people will admire you, and some people won’t.” Whether or not someone admires you doesn’t say anything about you or your worth.
Welcome to Heart Support and thank you for being vulnerable and posting. I’m sorry that you are having a problem with low self esteem, and that it’s causing issues in your life. It sounds like things have become complicated.
Something I learned while I was a young adult was that if a person can’t spend the time to get to know me and instead wants to jump into the sack, then they aren’t for me. You deserve nothing less than respect from every boy and your worth and value are not determined on if you sleep with them. I wouldn’t waste my time on boys like that. Someone who doesn’t pressure you and respects you as a person are the ones you want to look for. I hope you know that you are as worthy as anyone else and you are valued.
Hi Friend, Welcome to HeartSupport and thank you so much for posting.
Reading your post brought back a lot of memories for me of a number of years of meeting with random guys because I too wanted to feel wanted and needed and cared for and not one of them did, they wanted five minutes of fun and maybe we could “be friends” in case they were ever bored and wanted another way to fill an evening. The problem was even though in that moment you feel like someone is there for you, the moment they leave, you not only feel the sadness you felt before but an added loss of “im sad, lonely and used” and like you said that no one could ever want you. That is such a powerful statement and one that other people have caused you to have because they of thier selfish and mean actions. The truth is you sound like a lovely person with a huge heart and someone who has so very much to give and there is absolutely no reason why there are not many people out there that would benefit greatly from being with you and loving you, you just havent met them yet. If I could ask get you to do only one thing in this life that I think would help you it would be to take some time, work on yourself, work on gaining some self esteem but by doing some things for you not for anyone else and when you can hold your head up and know who is worthy or you and who isnt you will have cracked it and that is when you will know that you are no longer gonna be alone. It took me a while but its a bloody lovely feeling. please keep in touch, I really care about how you get on. Much Love Lisa.x
Jumping in to add support to you today! I echo what Lisa wrote – ABSOLUTELY – to love yourself first is a monumental task for many of us, and the most important and grounding goal. Gift yourself the time to explore what you love, what are your gifts and just what is it that actually makes your heart sing? We all have these answers, but they get smothered with the messages that society seems to prioritize. You find your light and it will shine, and others will see your true self. Someone needs to deserve your unique self. Please forge ahead with the most important truth, “I am worthy”.
Stay in touch with us – we are here to encourage you.