It would have been my brothers birthday a few days ago. It was weird and hard. I got emotional and mad and wasn’t very nice to a friend of mine. I since apologised sincerely and they were very very kind to me.
Another friend of mine has been probably getting tired of me mentioning him and said something kind of hurtful that made me think about some like maybe … sad thoughts.
I’ve definitely not been as positive as I used to be for the most part and I’ve had some interesting conversations about death that make me think a lot about it.
It gets harder to feel like I’m not just being annoying to people who care and that I’m actually being a good supportive friend to them too.
BUT my other brother has been doing great and it’s wonderful to see him be content. There’s always a plus side.
Dear @Zarzie,
Anniversaries like this one are incredibly painful. It brings a lot of deep, deep emotions that can be hard to control at the moment. The first years after my brother passed away, his birthdays, my birthdays and the day of his disappearance were days that I thought I could handle almost like any other day. But the truth is that each year I’ve been surprised by how much it affects me, even days before and after. It’s hard, as you said. Which is why it’s so important to take care of yourself during this season. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt. People who love you and understand how it feels will keep being by your side, no matter what.
Unfortunately, sometimes people are indeed a little tired of those who are grieving. It’s not against you. It’s just that being reminded of death can be overwhelming for some. If it feels like, somehow, time has stopped for you, it hasn’t been the same for others. Life keeps going on, but when we are grieving someone, it takes time to reconnect our inner world to the train of life happening around us. Sometimes it creates conflicts. Sometimes it breaks communication. But in any case, it’s not anyone’s fault.
If you need a space where you can talk about Cohen but can’t find one with your loved ones, you know you will always have that space right here. We’ll never get tired of you sharing your heart, no matter how it is. What matters is that, when you need to use your voice and express yourself, you can do it, and you can do it safely. You’re not alone. You’re not bothering anyone. Grieving is a long process made of many different waves. Sometimes, even after we stopped talking about the person we lost for a long time, we realize that the need to talk about them is back. Those waves are okay, normal, human. There is no right or wrong way to process that. Only your needs, your emotions and your thoughts, which are all valid.
I want you to know that you are not annoying and you don’t have anything to prove or give in exchange of support. You are you. You are enough as you are. And your vulnerability will always be cherished, respected and supported by the right people.
It’s a privilege and an honor do share life with you. Still and always.
I hope that, in times to come, you’ll feel connected to others in a more positive and loving way. Not just for the people you care about, but first and foremost for you.
I’m proud of you for handling this wave of grief as you do. Take care of yourself sweet Zarzie. 
It was, it was also the two months to the day. So I was frustrated bc my parents didn’t want to do anything, but my brother ended up coming home which was nice of him.
I wouldn’t have been so upset or shocked if they just simply told me that like they weren’t able to listen anymore. And like I do constantly have the thought in the back of my head about what I can and can’t say to ppl before they start to get annoyed or burdened ya know. Like I know everyone has different limits.
It also feels like since life keeps going on, then things should keep getting easier with it.
Idk if like ppl give so much time and energy to me it feels so wrong not to at least offer to try to help them too. But like I know coming here is a little different and I don’t have much to offer ppl.
I was looking through photos yesterday and it was both wonderful and devastating.
I appreciate you tremendously! I really really do
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