Just venting after a particularly hard mental health day

Not sure if this is something to share here, it’s just the first place that came to mind as currently nobody from my support system has time for me and I’m hoping writing this down for someone to read will help me get my mind off of it a bit and finally get some rest. This is probably mostly just a wall of mostly incoherent text, I’m just letting my thoughts flow because it helps me when I’m nervous.
I’m dealing with bad insomnia due to anxiety after having a particularly bad sleep yesterday, the past few days I’ve been having hectic dreams and nightmares because of mental illness stuff that’s been on my mind a lot and I can’t really sort out with anyone but a professional which I currently don’t have, I won’t get into it but I already have plans to put in action to get myself some help. I’ve only had insomnia this bad once before but today I did the mistake of drinking coffee hoping it would help with my exhaustion but it just made me feel awful and now too restless and anxious to sleep (I drank it in the morning and its already night so it should be out of my system by now, but anxiety is cruel) I keep laying there closing my eyes, listening to sleep aid doing breathing and calming exercises but it’s not really working. I’m going to try to distract myself with more videos and try again. I am exhausted but I don’t think I should force myself to sleep if it’s too unbearable right now.
I sometimes get these weird anxiety episodes that can last up to weeks at a time, it’s very unpleasant but ive learned just to distract myself and talking when I’m nervous helps a lot, like I’m doing right now. I often am in situations like these where I just wish for time to pass quicker so I can be back to when I’m feeling okay again, especially with anxiety like this my body feels so out of control and like there’s nothing I can do, I feel like with my depressive episodes I at least have many options to distract myself that work better for me but right now I feel so… awful and helpless. I’m also the type to catastrophize and have many unpleasant thoughts in my head, though I know I shouldn’t entertain them it’s not always as easy, I wish it was. I know this is just another bad day that’ll pass and I can be strong enough to make it through this but right now feeling so vulnerable and sad and like there’s nothing i can do and this is going to be endless always defeats me emotionally…I’m going to look back on this maybe even tomorrow and be glad I toughed this out and that I’m feeling better. I’m not sure why or how I’m even getting so worked up about this, but I’ve noticed that often times I don’t confront thoughts until it’s too late and it spirals like this. At least this was like a wake up call for me that I need to go and seek help for this asap, I’ll be thankful if I can avoid situations like these in the future. Thank you if you read this, I’m open for any tips or experiences especially with those anxiety episodes that seem to last for weeks, because I’ve never really met anyone that experiences them like this. it’s difficult to explain, but usually its emotional stress that builds up and either for me ends with a complete mental breakdown that lasts a few hours or a day or an anxiety episode that lasts up to 2 weeks sometimes. It’s always like I feel very vulnerable during those episodes, I cry a lot and am far more emotional than usual, and it keeps switching between calm and then the anxiety keeps flaring up and coming back suddenly in waves. I often times can’t watch anything besides videos catered to children because even slightly uncomfortable things will set me off and make my anxiety spiral.
For one I hope that today doesn’t end in a longer anxiety episode, but if it does there’s not much more I can do than take care of myself and distract myself. I’m sure after I’ve slept and look back on this post I’m already feeling much better, right now I just need to know that I can sleep at all anymore. I’ll keep trying to relax and calm down and hopefully will drift off on my own and have a more relaxing sleep than the nights before.


That’s very good news! Don’t put it off! Often when I was in my 20’s, I didn’t get sleepy until it was time to get up. Unless you’re super sensitive to it, the morning’s caffeine has probably worn off. The problem with caffeine is that it can give a temporary lift, but can be followed by increased exhaustion.

In my room, I have the constant sound of surf and rain, not a cheap noise maker, but good speakers which make it sound fairly real. There’s also a lot of really good relaxation music available on Youtube and elsewhere. There are some non-medical sleep aids at health food stores.

If you push yourself, and become overtired, the mind can get giddy and become occupied with tangential thoughts. It sometimes responds to exhaustion by spiking itself with intermittent shots of adrenaline. In short, exhaustion can lead to anxiety.

Sometimes it just a case of the mind not wanting to rest. What occupies your mind at times when getting to sleep is not a problem? A very consistent sleep schedule can make a huge difference

I’m glad that you’re aware that you are experiencing an episode, rather than feel as it won’t get better.


Just came across you post. Thanks for sharing.

I have very little experience with anxiety. I did have an occasion a few years ago that lasted about two months. I had a constant racing heart feeling, very edgy feeling all the time. I couldn’t get ahold of myself, was very shaking physically and mentally. It was very unsettling. I made it to a counselor quickly.

Have you put you plan into motion? Have you found a counselor?

I had had some very disturbing interactions with my sister. That was what was causing the anxiety. I spent some time dealing with the competition that took place between me and my siblings. I’m pretty much fine with who I am now, but still get anxious when we’re together. It’s a process.

Do you get anxious about your anxiety? That was something I had to deal with. It was an extra layer of anxiety. I was afraid I wouldn’t get through it and that made me all the more anxious!

I’m a Jesus follower. There a Bible verse that says, “Jesus will keep you in perfect peace if your mind in stayed in him.” I try to remember his cross work when I get anxious. It does bring me peace. If that’s not for you, maybe you can find a statement of truth you can recite to yourself when you’re anxious. All the best as you make your way~


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