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Just want my husband to be proud

Just wanted to reach out and and be real with someone… I’m having a terrible wife day mentally and I just need to vent to someone. Feeling like my husband has been really selfish and distant. Nothing I do makes him happy or I feel like all the work I’m doing isn’t enough. Like I’m really proud of myself and everything I’ve got going on. I’m stressed but also excited about all the crazy opportunities that are popping up and I’m goin for it… I’m making career leaps and bounds. Everything I’ve worked for is finally leading to something! I’m so excited but I feel like he’s not. I just don’t feel like he’s proud or happy. I just want him to be on my team. Instead I feel like he’s always down because it takes away time and attention from me always doing everything for him or because I’m moving forward and he’s not. Like he’s just always in a mood and I feel like it’s my fault because my life isn’t 100% about him. Feelin kind of alone and fed up today. Sorry for the vent… I just need someone to tell me I’m not being crazy or selfish. Maybe I am. I dunno.

I know my husband loves me and that he’s a great guy. I know he has his own needs and mental health hold ups. I feel like we’re always 100% focused on him and I’ve been super patient and supportive whenever he needs me… because I love him more than anything. But things are finally starting to happen for me, and it feels like the victory I’ve been waiting for. I just feel like he’s not happy about it. I just want my husband to be supportive of me like I have been for him.

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Wow. I’m sorry. I always knew that marriage doesn’t come with the guarantee that everything will be perfect but hearing this breaks my heart nonetheless. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Being married does not mean that you stop putting yourself first. Your husband should be overjoyed that your life is heading up. As a husband, it is his job to encourage you and be supportive no matter what you should chose to do. You are not selfish. You’ve done your job as an incredible wife who supports and loves her spouse. His distant attitude is not your worry. Try talking to him about it. Maybe that will help. If not, God is always willing to listen. Just as I am always willing to pray. Stay strong!!

A marriage is not 50/50. It’s two whole people coming together to be something greater than either could be on their own. I’m not going to presume that your husband is holding you back, since you’re not here to say he is. But if you stop focusing on yourself, you’ll have less of yourself to bring to the marriage, and you’ll eventually start to resent him for making you something less.

I feel like in the last 3 years I’ve seen a lot of seemingly solid marriages fail. My wife and I did a lot of premarital education, and what I took from that and can see in the tragic failed marriages is, at its root, a lack of communication. Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, with your husband if he’s open to it. People have spent years trying to please their spouses in a dozen different ways that all miss the mark. There is something that will reach your husband, you just need to figure out what it is and hone in on it. Mine is physical touch; even something as simple as my wife’s hand on my knee draws me out of the clouds in my head and brings me closer to her.

Go you for being proud of yourself and celebrating your successes! That can be hard with things weighing on your mental health. I’m proud of you for being proud of yourself!

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