I don’t know why I even try anymore. I just got denied of yet another amazing townhouse because of a stupid first time misdemeanor of criminal damaging. And everyone keeps saying it’ll be fine and it’s for the best. Well it’s not f****** fine and it’s not for the f****** best! I waste my time like a fcking zombie going back and forth to work and trying to do better for my three children! I’m so damn sick of trying. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, I want to be left alone, I don’t even want to be bothered by my children especially since they’ve been throwing tantrums and crying all day long. What am I even doing?! This is a life I never asked for. I never wanted to struggle every damn day by myself raising three children. I never asked to live period. I just hate it and I really don’t want to do this s** anymore! If I have struggle this much for the rest of my life then I don’t want my life at all.
I hear the struggle in your voice, in your post. Things are hard. It seems like no matter what you do, you can’t work your way up to where you want to be. I can see why you are frustrated, friend. But don’t give up yet. You never know what the future holds. Things can turn out better, even if it’s not right away. Please don’t give up. Your life matters. Your children need you. The world needs you. There is a hope and a future for you. And dare I say a God who has a hope and a future for you. Even if you can’t see it right now. Even if it takes a long while to see it. It is out there. Keep on believing for better things. This life is worth it, even in the struggle. Please, friend, hold on. This community is here for you.
Hey @grandmastrqueen,
I’m so sorry to hear that your application was denied… that’s not fair. You have all the right to be frustrated and mad because of this. Though I hope you know that this doesn’t erase your efforts. It doesn’t invalidate what you do or who you are. The things you do for your children and yourself are YOURS and you can always be proud of it. We see it here. This world is tough, but so are you.
As you mentioned it on your other post, do you think making an appeal would be possible in this situation?
I hope you can let this frustration out in a healthy way. Stay safe, friend. Keep us up to speed on what’s going on for you. 
@Micro, Hey friend! My probation officer and case worker are both working together to try to change the outcome of the decision and I am hoping for the best, but I also have not been getting my hopes up, if that makes sense.
@NomadicWanderer Hey friend!
Thank you for your inspirational words. I actually went into work today after calling off yesterday. Trying to keep my head on my shoulders and continue to smile. One of my co-workers were sending me inspirational messages. I smiled as much as I could, but unfortunately I had some callers that tore me down and broke my spirit a little. I was glad to get off and still trying to be positive because my probation officer and case worker are trying to help overturn the decision made for the housing. Luckily I have tomorrow off and I’m going to get as much rest in as I can.
Thank you for the updates! I get what you mean, with hoping for the best but also trying to stay realistic. I really hope this will work for you and your children. And if not, then at least keep hope in your heart friend. There will be a moment when you’ll get a lovely place for all of you, and when you’ll be there, you’ll just embrace the relief you’ll feel. Your efforts will pay. Our world sucks in so many ways, and even though I tend to be pretty pessimistic about it, I believe in you and your capacity to reach your goals. You are inspiring. And that’s also such a beautiful example to your children. I hope that despite the disappointment, you take some time to acknowledge your efforts and be proud of it.
Hey friend. We covered your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream! Here is the live video response:
@Kayla, @DanMakesHisMark_Fans, and @CaseyScreamsBack_Fans
Hi Friends
Thank you for sharing my post and thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement. I’m still experiencing things causing me distress, but I am too exhausted to even stop the “zombie” mode. My probation officer and case manager have exhausted their resources to help me and we still have no idea if their efforts helped. I was saving my money for my rent where I stay now and the amount I thought I needed was $200 off because they are talking about back payment to a clerical error. I’ve been talking to my therapist, keeping up with my meds and sobriety, and going to work regardless of my desire to stay in bed and give up. Even today at work I was crying at my desk silently because I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. But the calls I take from irate callers is adding to the stress because they tell me I don’t understand and I do not know struggle because I have a job. I’m trying not to miss anymore days due to my depression because then I’m set back to worrying about not even having enough funds for bills and diapers and gas for the car.
I try to think positive about the things I do have, but material things definitely do not bring me any joy. It’s just hard to handle the idea of the place I am living in now is so bad that It has not only depressed me, but it has depressed my 9y/o son as well. It’s sad that the only way to get a response from the property manager and corporate office is to make threats of calling fair housing. I hated being on the phone yesterday talking to the lady the same way people talk to me on the phone (in tears, making lawsuit threats, and using vulgar language). By the end of the call I was apologizing to her because I know how it feels to be yelled at and threatened through a call. I did not make threats of lawsuits or violence, but I was using vulgar language even with me trying to refrain from it. I’m just tired of the tears and thoughts of giving up.
Hi @grandmastrqueen don’t give up. You can feel like throwing in the towel but come back later and pick it up. It’s hard to see things through when you are really depressed and it’s good you have a caseworker and probation officer.
@Tristan Hi Friend
Funny enough I think it’s great at this time I have my case manager and probation officer because they help; they never hinder. Plus with them around and the thought of my probation also helps with me hold myself accountable for all my actions and stay focused. Hopefully once I am off probation, that accountability and focusing becomes a learned behavior.
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