I need to go away. I actually had some motivation today, I was happy today. Things seemed to be turning around. I didn’t have any nightmares last night, I WAS FREAKING HAPPY!!! No, that mustn’t be allowed, I have to be messed up. I angered someone over doing laundry and cleaning up from my slip of depression spell I had. I wanted to get stuff done, I wanted to do so much, but I can’t I must stay in a shell, I must not speak, I must not think. I must be locked up. I must not be free to be happy and do anything. I can’t wait until the day I leave until the day I can cut ties with all the lies I’m living in. I’m done.
You’ve just said that you had a glimmer of hope today. Things can gradually improve to get back to a norma life. It takes time. Some days will be better or worse than others, but you’re making progress! Well done!
I had that same feeling yesterday, and I post on facebook I wanted to off myself. But what you are feelng, it will pass, try take a couple deep breath, put cold water on you and listen to loud hardcore music. Remeber, it okay to feel those feeling, but also reember it will pass. Not everyday is okay to be perfect. Their no such thing as perfect day, but that okay.
Ugh. I’m sorry you are left feeling that way friend. You don’t have to be quiet and shut up here. We’re listening. How you feel is important and matters.
Much love, friend