Ok, so admittedly I have never been very good at accepting compliments. I think it comes from a couple things.
I was never complimented growing up. Any feedback I got was of thr negative variety.
I didn’t have any level of confidence until my mid 20s so I always felt like people were lying to me if they gave me a compliment.
Anyways I got this super random text from my father asking about Kiera and he just sounded weird. Like really um… I don’t know. Affectionate. Which led to him calling my voice magical. It was really weird. Like, uncalled for I guessed. Am I wrong for feeling weird after he said that?
You’re never wrong for feeling, no matter how that is. And in this situation precisely, given the context you’ve shared, it makes even more sense to feel some type of awkwardness because of your dad’s comment. I don’t do well with compliments either. It feels like my brain stops functioning and I’m unable to respond, say thank you, etc., which can come off as me being rude and it’s such a vicious cycle. The first thing that comes to my mind is: “why?”. It feels suspicious, weird, awkward, so there has to be a reason other than being genuinely appreciated. I would assume that it’s not uncommon to feel that way with a lack of self-confidence or knowing a childhood during which we haven’t been validated/used to hear affirmative and positive words about ourselves.
It can also be partially due to the type of relationship you have with your dad. If you haven’t been used to hear compliments from him, that one must certainly feel pretty weird and unexpected. Sometimes, major life events tend to make us look at ourselves and see the things we’ve been missing before. Maybe the birth of Kiera is a bit of an emotional shock for your dad? Again, I don’t know how is your relationship with your dad at the moment. Hopefully though, this would only be the beginning of something positive for both of you.
I had nothing to do with my father until I was 22. I stayed with him briefly until I went to Job Corps. He wasn’t very nice during that time.
He has definitely been more present since Kiera was born and he seems to be the only person who doesn’t expect something from me right now and would rather stay on the sidelines so as to not overwhelm me and my husband right now.
He just has these moments where he gets really mushy and stuff and it comes out of left field I guess. I never had that growing up so I guess my brain just assumes bad things still.
Well, that makes sense. Indeed, assuming the worst is a completely normal reaction, in my opinion. It’s new, so it’s hard to understand logically, so it has to be suspicious in some way. And on top of that, it’s about building a different type of relationship with your dad too. You’ve been missing out some important times and love for most of your life when it comes to him. That is surely a new road that seems to be paved, and what is new can feel extremely weird at first.
On a very positive note, you’re able to acknowledge those feelings when it happens. Even though it’s hard to put words on it, you know already that this reflective distance is going to serve you a lot. There might be a time of navigating the weirdness just as it is at first. There’s no doubt though you will be able to paint your own picture from it, one that will make sense to you personally, no matter how slow it goes or how long it gets.
Thanks Micro. I guess this goes to know I still have walls up that I need to work on taking down. Maybe, just maybe there is no meaning to what he is saying other than surface level.
Having your walls up would be completely fair. I can only encourage you to take all the time you need. You know very well that trust is earned. A little brick down from a personal wall, and a positive move from the person in front of you, and so on. I hope with all my heart that your father is only filled with good intentions and genuinely means what he says. No matter what, I may not hear you/your voice to compliment you, but it is always a joy to see you around. That will surely never change.
It’s just feels off to hear the word ‘magical’ to describe something outside of a romantic relationship if that makes sense. Though now that I think about it I have no logic to back that up.
