I’m a pretty normal guy. I have good friends, a supportive family, pets that I love and a somewhat fulfilling school/work life and fun hobbies. I don’t really struggle with any mental health issues but there is one thing that just plights me every single night and I lose a lot of sleep over it.
I feel absolutely terrified that I will never find a partner to spend the rest of my life with. I’m nearly 23 and I’ve been looking for a special someone for as long as I can remember. But I just cannot seem to attract anyone. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me - I’m not a creep and I’m also not ugly or anything. Before Covid I would often ask out girls and get a positive reply every now and then even - but it would never work out for a plethora of reasons. It’s rarely even anyone’s fault - it just feels like the stars are aligned against me - it feels like the universe is unwilling to get me to enjoy a single successful date. The few dates that have gone successful just had me being used for a free dinner or sex and that really broke my heart to the point where I’m even afraid to even talk to anyone without getting drunk first.
And if the fact that I can’t get a single woman genuinely interested in me wasn’t enough, I’ve had to go online due to the pandemic. And on these dating apps I am shunned like a stinking leper. I also don’t think that’s anyone’s fault - it’s just that these services are fundamentally awful and barely work.
So here I am, with two years since I last got to talk to anyone at the bar, with a profound feeling of inadequacy because all my friends seem to find partners just fine. I can’t sleep at night, fearing that I’ll never get to cuddle with anyone or tell them I love them. I just have a big heart, and a lot of love to share but no one that wants any of it.
I really hate complaining about this because so many people have it so much worse than I do but this is really really weighing me down. Feel free to skip this one btw, I just wanted to maybe see if someone else can relate.
Sounds to me like you are a catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you!
Honestly, you say you are terrified of finding a partner ? It’s very understandable! Everyone can relate to that! Maybe try instead, when that terrifying feeling comes over you… try channeling that into something good. change the vibe… picture yourself loved… feel it deep down in your soul … YOU are really all you need to make yourself feel loved. Once you feel that true love with yourself you will indeed be closer and feeling one with the universe. . . and the universe will reward you and give you exactly what you wish for as long as you are thankful and precise on how you ask for it. If it’s a partner you desire, paint those pictures in your mind. Make them real and in turn they will be! You have the ability to create any masterpiece you choose!
I really hope this helps and I wish you the best at finding the love you deserve so you in turn, can share your wonderful love with them, and the world !
Hey @crusty,
First of all, sounds like you have a lot going for you in terms of friends/family etc and that’s awesome!
There have certainly been times where I feel like the universe is against me, or like nothing I want is working in my favor. You’re not alone friend!
I can’t sleep at night, fearing that I’ll never get to cuddle with anyone or tell them I love them. I just have a big heart, and a lot of love to share but no one that wants any of it.
I’m not sure I have any good dating advice, especially during a pandemic (as I have no experience doing so) but maybe I can offer an idea. You have friends and family that you can be sure to love and improve their lives, which is something to cherish. You have a big heart and a lot of love to share, so maybe look for ways to use that gift in your community. Love people through volunteer work, homeless shelters, through your hobbies… etc. Maybe you’ll find some like minded people along the way too!
In short, your “path” of finding someone may not be the same as everyone else, so don’t let life pass you by focused only on that. You’ve got a lot going for you, and I know 23 seems old, but you’ve got time
hi there,
the things we fear so much, we start to manifest in our bodies, in our actions.
You sound like you have a great real-life social set up going, and a romantic partner while nice, is best found when we’re really ready mentally and emotionally.
People may all be struggling during this pandemic, and may not all be ready to get into romantic relationships, esp if there are travel concerns still etc. But you know what people always will need? A good friend? A good friend isn’t a romantic replacement, but the feelings of belongingness and being loved for who you are, is pretty great.
Maybe get out there (irl or online, lol) and be active in the groups of things you’re interested. I see that it seemed like the bar gave you confidence, maybe you’re struggling more because you don’t have that now to bolster you? Confidence comes from inside, and it’s one of the most attractive traits for some folks.
Take this time to work on you, for yourself. As you grow and learn and bloom, it’ll attract the right person to you because you won’t be “trying” then, it’ll be a natural state for you.
Wishing you well, reach out to those around you and bask in the relationships you do have!
