First of All i’d like to thank Kit through his stream i found the link to this website.
my name is Adel. From Algeria. I lived my whole life with my parents. I lived a very strict childhood. no friends no outdoors. it was easier for my father to deal with 8 children by controlling them. my family was poor. my sister died from sclérose en plaque. a sickness that comes from depression. and my other sister is sick but she was lucky the situation of my family was a little better to afford her a treatement. and she is living thanks to it.
my parents were very strict so i didn’t get to play outside and discover the world. and have friends. i was living only indoors. i was a big joke at school because i wasn’t talkative. and was silent. when i was young. and since internet came to my country around 2005. i bought myself a computer and got internet. at the age of 24 i met my ex wife.in a game wish Kit probably knows. League of legends.
I believed in myself and moved from Algeria to live with her in Austria. but i ignored many things. i ignored that i had a big addiction to virtuality. and that i was a depressed person. with low energy and low motivation to do anything with my life but i loved her. and love gives wings. it was the first women i met in my life. and the only person who could understand me and believe in me. i was surprised how fast i learned english and german and moved out. not just out of my room but out of the country.
The first few months everything went well. and my ex wife thought that it was just the new place. and that i needed time to get used to it. i was doing some steps looking for a job. but then not being able to focus and then i get fired. or find reasons to stop. i was trying to do sports to workout but then whenever i do a step outside. it takes me a week to recover from it indoors i do not want to go out anymore until a while.
my ex wife end up asking for divorce. it was the ending for me i never drunk alcohol so i drunk a full bottle and went to her and told her that i was gonna jump from the window if she didn’t comeback with me. and when i wanted to jump she called the police. it was a mess and i didn’t jump i felt blocked in my head. and in my life. the neighbors came to help. i was asked to leave the country because we was divorced so i had no right to live in Austria anymore.
i cameback to my parents. my dad asked me for money in order for me to stay. or else he was gonna call the police to take me outside. he didn’t try to understand my situation i was yelling at him that he messed our lifes. and he was yelling back that he was gonna throw me outside. i do not have any friends. so i did shut up. and went to my room where i am right now since 2017. not talking to my family and living like a rat. going at night time to the kitchen to scavenge something to eat. i am using the neighbors internet who was nice to give me the password i cannot afford internet even if its not that expensive in my country around 15 euro a month. i live that way since my divorce. no showers. no shaving i look like a monkey. my room is a mess.my parents did not try to get in touch with me because they know i wont talk to them.and if my father calls the police one day to put me out i will loose it.
i went the other day with my cousin who motivated me to move outside. ear plugs on hat and sun glasses. so no one recognize me. i feel like a failure. the psychic told me that all Algerians are depressed and that there is nothing to worry about. he said that depression might be in my genetics. he gave me some medication that i cant afford so i could not buy. and my cousin did not wanna buy them for me but i did not ask. i am back in my room. i was crazy enough to try and message my ex wife and she blocked me. years already went away maybe the best years of my life. i am soon 33 years old. and i was 28 years when i divorced. i have to say that the few years i lived with my ex wife. helped me discover myself better. but i feel bad for not being able to make her happy.
i am living in my room. i am used to loneliness and to live alone. i do not think that i am capable of making anybody happy if i could not make myself happy. i tried to talk to the only person who could understand me the psychic and he didn’t. now i am questioning why am i alive.
i just wanted to add that living indoors doesn’t bother me. i do not find any interest in going outside. i just want to be like that until i die one day from either Sclerosa or from any other illness.i sleep at a random moment of a day with plugs.and a shirt around my head. and during the night i stay awake.i did not sleep at night since i cameback to this country. i wish i could have a normal christmas
i forgot to say that i did some blood tests one of my thyroid that was normal. and one for general test. and everything was normal… and the psychic gave me two medications one for depression and the other for anxiety
i need support from people who can understand.