I feel like I have all the tools to help myself out of the things pressuring me, but the motivation and determination to actually accomplish these things, isn’t there. I’ve been without medication for a while now, insurance hiccups took me away from my doctors and I’m basically starting over. I have barely been able to keep up with school. Simple things like dropping packages off at the post office, making phone calls for appointments, etc. is all overwhelming. I just realized I’ve been putting some of that off for 3-6months. I’m ashamed of myself for not being able to get myself out of the house to do the important things. Sometimes I can make it to a friends house, which helps a lot to get me out and interacting with people who love me, but I’m failing to “adult”. I know what to do, how to do it, I have the support, I have the resources…but I just haven’t been able to get it done. I think I’m just venting here, but if anyone has felt this would be helpful to know in general, too. Thanks for listening. I’m going to make a few calls now before I chicken out! Thanks fam!
I love the courage to not only name where you are, but in realizing where you are, take a moment of motivation to take a step – even if you didn’t follow through, you are on the right track, capitalizing on motivation to get you unstuck to help get some wind in your sails again.
I have felt this way many times myself, feeling like all that I have to do is just too much…I experience this in a mini way almost daily…feeling like taking care of my kids is too much, like taking care of my house is too much…I’ve been really struggling with these thoughts of “I can’t handle this” lately.
When I am successful, I silence those thoughts and move towards what I know I need to do. For instance, the dishes…whether or not I want to do them, they need to get done, and I know that I’ll feel better if I do them, etc, etc, but most of the times I can’t “logic” myself into it because I get swallowed by all of my anxiety…when I “WIN” at adulting, it’s because I just stopped thinking…I didn’t try to give myself a reason or tell myself why I should or listen to myself explaining why I shouldn’t…I just did, and I’m always happier when I do. I think it’s a muscle that we build over time, but it begins by doing something like what you just did…just freaking doing it! Leveraging motivation when it comes, and not overthinking it or trying to will yourself into it…just getting in there and doing the thing.
At least that’s what’s been helping for me lately.
There is a general method that often yields success. It is known as the 5 Second Decision Making Rule (or something along those lines). Your brain tries to protect your from stress, work, etc. You have about 5 seconds before your brain kicks-in and tries to prevent you from doing things. If you get into the habit of giving yourself a count-down of 5,4,3,2,1 and then start, it can help overcome patterns along those lines. A web search can give you more information.
I’m incredibly anxious about tomorrow, and yes the lack of motivation is still here so im not quite out of it but i know i have to go to the first day of my apprenticeship because its important, it will keep me in this country and it will somewhat improve my money situation. i haven’t been outside of my flat in quite a while for any social interactions and yes i hate to call people or talk to people but its even worse in a country where im not so good at the language but…
I think it’s hard to feel like a real adult. I also worry that I can’t take care of myself by myself. I’m almost 31, and I still need guidance when something doesn’t go as planned. I also find myself not doing things I need to be doing. I hope to someday be able to do them without feeling the shame for not doing it. Hold fast.
For me I just have to give myself grace. Do what I can, and if I don’t do it all be okay with it. Making those calls may takes 5 times more energy than normal. Maybe take one big thing you need to do, a call etc etc then some smaller tasks cleaning, etc. Then take it day by day. You may notice it becomes easier and can do another bigger task.
I have been in that position before. Try telling other people what you need to do. Have someone keep you accountable definitely helps.
I also recommend not looking at everything you have to do all at once. Take things one at a time. What is the most important thing you have to do? Prioritize. I can get overwhelmed if I look at it all at once. What can you control? What can you not?
I’ve 100% been here. For me, it’s the “am I worth it?” question that stops me doing those things. I know how to do it, what I need to do, that I SHOULD be doing it, but I CANT until I have someone has basically taken the choice away from me and told I HAVE to do these things. I’ve kinda learnt that the reason that I can’t is because I KNOW if it’s not something someone asked of me, it means I’m doing it for myself, and I don’t see myself as worth it. Half the time I don’t even realise that it’s my lack of self-worth that’s getting in the way and so it just feels as though I’m being “lazy” or “stupid”.
I think maybe an accountability buddy would be good for you while you feel like you’re in this rut? It can help you get into those habits again. Other times, you just have to do these things WITH other people.
I mean, my best friend doesn’t live near me, we only see each other maybe twice a year… but there have been so many occasions where we’ve gone out for lunch while she visits, and then we end up going and doing my grocery shopping together or whatever boring adult thing i need to do
It’s like “we havent seen each other in 6 months, but all we did after lunch was adult stuff”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to have to ask someone else to do things that seem so trivial like that with you, but… The people that care about you WILL do it with you.
And you never know, maybe one day that friend will need you to do the same for them and by you having the courage to ask that first time, you’ve helped them to feel comfortable doing the same
I love you!
One thing that I am hearing a lot is something along the lines of “adulting” “being a real adult” Being an adult and growing isnt about pretending to be something you are not. But rather to be better then the person you were the day before. That’s what growth is. Everyone has their own pace. You set your own. Every step you make is a step in the right direction.
Stafflower I’m so proud of you sister friend you may not see the progress but I DO! I see your growth. I see you fighting and you are so strong. You really are. I know I push you to do all the things because I believe you can do all the things … but never be ashamed of doing things at your own pace. You are making progress and I see it. You are killing it in school! It’s amazing! You’re an amazing friend and granddaughter.
@Stafflower You are loved.
I’ll send this art along w/ your commission! Hold Fast