I apologize if this is not the correct forums to be asking this, but trying to google it is giving me obscure results.
I am a but a mere man trying to understand this idea: If something is bothering a woman, they prefer someone to simply listen and try to understand it, rather than have it be taken care of or solved.
And well, being a guy it’s difficult for me to get that idea. I know, typical man. But this is why I am asking, to genuinely try and get a grasp on the thought process and psychology behind why many women prefer that.
From a man’s perspective, our thought process is usually: well if we can make it go away, then the woman whom we care so much about won’t be suffering from it anymore. Assuming the path to get rid of that suffering does not bring upon more suffering, then it seems like a good idea to me. I don’t have any concrete examples, but I do believe this is a common theme amongst men and women, and even more so in relationships.
Thanks to anyone who decides to give their time and respond! much appreciated!
I definitely understand the mindset of trying to solve the problems that your loved one (in your case a woman) has. As a girl, whenever I open up to a guy that I know cares for me, I do that just to start the healing process from a certain trauma or problem. I did notice that guys want to solve everything as fast as they can, but that is not the reason why I’m confiding in someone. I’m opening up not to get a solution, instead I’m opening up to get the bitter feeling out of my system. When that feeling is gone, then I will be able to grasp the solution to my problem. You, as a guy, should listen to your girl’s problems and let her know that you understand her and will be there for her always. When she is ready to solve it, she will tell you as well. I guess you could also push her, softly, in the direction of getting better.
That’s really interesting! thank you for responding. So it almost sounds like healing is more of a 2 step process for you, rather than a one step process. And so it’s not that you don’t want the problem to be solved, rather you want to come to terms with the problem first before any action is taken?
Yeah, I guess that’s how it is. I do it in order to find a solution that will be more sensible and less emotional. But, many girls just choose to not ever solve their problems and just throw them under the rug. It all really depends on the severity of the problem in hand and the personality of the girl. If you have a really close and open relationship with the girl, you could ask her whether she want to solve this or stick with how things are right now
This is a cool question and I’m pretty familiar with the concept on both sides (I’m female by the way, but I have heard the sentiment from men that they want to fix our problems initially when we vent). I will say in my case that if I do vent to my husband just to vent, not for help, it’s because keeping those emotions inside is usually painful or stressful and the very act of sharing them with someone and knowing that I am heard can do wonders for me emotionally. For example when my grama died, there was literally nothing my husband could do for me, but it helps make the situation real and release some of the emotional burden if I vent. And I know it bugs my husband when he can’t help me because if I am upset he gets mad at whatever made me upset. So I definitely see what your saying. Hopefully my short explanation made sense.