I haven’t written on here in about a week. I’ve chosen not to go to a hospital but I do have a therapy appointment this coming Wednesday. I’m grateful my mind has cleared and stabilized but still fear that I will go back. I’m hoping therapy will help me sort through my demons and finally put them to rest. Growing up I was always told if you aren’t happy, fake it so that’s what I’ve done for so long. Everything came bursting out at once and became overwhelming. My mind wouldn’t be quiet, not that that’s stopped but it is quieter now. It’s scary going back to therapy because my last therapist wasn’t helpful but I’m hoping this one is. The goal for myself is putting everything out in the open and hoping she can sort through my issues better than I have.
@icecream
Hey friend! Thanks for coming back and sharing. I’m glad that you did. Finding the right therapist can take some trial and error. It definitely has to be someone that you can lay it all out there with, and then be relieved with a sense of compassion, understanding and guidance. I’ve been lucky enough to have the same one for the past 17 years. I would even drive over an hour out to see her when she moved for a while! But she wasn’t the first therapist I had. There were a couple before her, and the experiences I had were horrendous. So don’t let your past experience with therapy taint your new ones to come. I hope everything works out. Keep coming back!
With all of my love,
Shay
It’s amazing that you’re reaching out for help even tho you’re scared. I’m so proud of you for doing that. Unfortunately sometimes the first therapist you meet is not the right one for you, and going through them is exhausting, but worth it when you find the one who can work with you. That being said - your therapist cant sort things through for you. Please don’t go in thinking like that, because you will be disappointed. They cant just take a look at you and give you a bulletpoint list of things that are wrong and how to deal with them. They will help you to sort these things out yourself, but they cant just magically do it for you.
Thinking like you can and should sort these things out by yourself is the worst thing you can possibly do. It took me 9 years to realize that and I would be so much better if I had asked for help as soon as I needed it. I don’t wish anyone else to try to deal with this stuff by themselves - asking for help is not weakness. The process is long and tiring and there’s no snapping fingers to make everything okay. But with the right help and support from people around you, you can and will make it through. You will be alright in the end. <3
Growing up I had no options. Parents that never approved of my path, bullies in school, drug addiction and death plagued my life. The lonliness was unbearable.
Recently everything became amazing in my life. My art career took off and I was making enough to quit my part time job completely. I had support, friendships, love, and a gorgeous fiance. Until 4months ago. My mother was recently diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Here health declined fast and she is no longer with us. Being I was raised by her alone , I was crushed. I relapsed into cigarettes which turned into alcohol. Alcohol turned into oxycodone. Oxycodone to heroin. I lost my fiance. I lost my friends. I lost my career. I lost all focus and crashed like a broken plane. I’ve gotten my act straightend out but my life is still lonely. I can’t afford to find a psychologist and insurance doesn’t cover it. I’m worried I wound be able to comtinue like this and on some days I fear my own. Mind. I appreciate at one reading this for taking the time. I could really use some one by my side at this point in my life
Hey Icecream! I am so happy for you! I really pray and hope that this therapist is what you really need. It took me a couple times to find the right therapist, so I am glad you aren’t giving up. Also, while it does make sense to “pretend” to feel a certain way because you can possibly follow through with it, it is not good to keep things inside and hidden. What is hidden can’t be healed. I am very thankful that you are taking the next step at getting help. I hope that you stay consistent with it and that you find healing. <3