Something I have struggled with in my life from childhood into adulthood is, a lot of people hurting me. Whether family, friends or just people in general that I found myself crossing paths with. I’ve dealt with some dark hurts from family like my grandfather(s) sexual abuse, my grandmother’s verbal and emotional abuse, my mother’s physical abuse and toxic relationship due to alcoholism. I’ve also dealt with a lot of hurt from friends due to lies, hurtful ways and betrayal. Something I’m sure we all battle with in our lives.
But something I had to really practice was forgiveness. Some times things felt so awful, I found myself for years feeling like I could and would never forgive. However, I have learned that without learning how to forgive others (and myself at times), I would become bitter and angry. Spiteful even at times. I found myself becoming someone I didn’t like. I was allowing the actions of others control me and my emotions. It was hard to live with.
It took time to learn how to forgive. Feelings don’t just go away simply by forgiving. You don’t just forget. But you learn how to come to peace with things and move on. And not let it directly impact you as much on a daily basis. It’s important I think for us to try to practice to forgive those that have hurt us so deeply so that we can find peace.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to keep talking to someone or being around them. It also doesn’t mean you have to necessarily tell that person you forgave them. Every situation is different. It’s more about coming to peace and terms with it yourself so that you can let go and become stronger. Sometimes this requires therapy. And that’s okay.
I’ve seen some things around lately where people have been really hurt by others and I can see how much anger they carry. And I just wanted to share this. Hoping maybe someone who is struggling with something or someone that hurt them really badly and is finding it hard not to be angry, spiteful, hateful or just in general upset…would take a moment to see how much negative emotions it may be causing you.
I have found that I had to truly ask myself how much negative energy I was willing to channel and experience over someone else’s actions. It really isnt worth destroying my happiness, my life and depleting energy over.
It doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid and shouldn’t be heard. Because they should. But for me, at some point I really had to teach myself how to let go and forgive.
If you are having a hard time with someone in your life, I truly hope that you are able to find peace with it, with yourself and with them. That you are able to work it out or able to move on past it so you can live without the weight of whatever it is.
Some things take time. Some hurts are deep and need help. Some are petty and not even worth stewing on. Whatever it is, I hope you can take a moment to ask yourself what you need to find the ability to forgive. Not for them but for you. Sometimes for both of you. Depending on what’s going on.
Anyway. I’m rambling. Im not good at explaining myself and my points. I just wanted to put that out there. Be gentle with yourselves, friends. Hate, anger, spite, jealousy can all be very strong emotions. And never worth sitting on.
I hope if you are struggling with forgiving someone that you will share your story. Maybe someone here can help you through it. I’m also willing to share how I was able to come to forgive even something as unforgivable like sexual abuse. It’s possible.
Peace be with you.