I’m having some cake right now for the first time in a long while and somehow I feel a little off, like a bit of guilt. Like when I had soda again yesterday for my brother’s birthday, after a while of not having it. I know that having dessert and sodas once in a while isn’t bad but there’s still that very small voice that doesn’t trust me being around sugary stuff because I used to suffer from food binges a lot and I had no control. So I kinda have to like have to do some self soothing and encouragement. I didn’t grow up with a lot of self trust. For a long a time I let my mother do things for me because she made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right when I made mistakes as a child. I would get punished harshly.
Also you know writing this all down helps me realize where these thoughts and ideas come. Makes me realize that those little things in childhood that I think didn’t mean much, actually had a huge impact in the way I think and do things now. Small minds are more sensitive than you think. And now I’m rambling on again lol
But I think that lack of trust has actually prevented me from doing a lot of things. I think trusting myself is the thing I’m missing the most. The cake is really good by the way. Red velvet