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Learning to talk

Umm I’m new to talking about my mental health. I meannive talked about it to a dr and a few people but not alot. I was told I probably have bi polar disorder but tr truthful I like chickened out of going to see a dr to be told a its bi polar. Like idk somehow having a disorder diagnosis on paper makes it worse. I’m struggling though. Made a decision to try and help my mom out of all people. Now I’m moving into my girlfriend’s with her and her mom. I lost my car, and most of my money. Had to get rid of all my pets because I had no where for them to go. So now at 26 I’m like starting over and idk it’s a hopeless feeling scary. I’ve been off any meds cause i cant afford them right meow so maybe that isn’t helping but ya i just wanted to have a place to idk put my thoughts down this community seemed good place to start

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Hi friend. I hid for years because I didn’t want to face being diagnosed either. A lot of that came from because my family (moms side) are all mentally ill and toxic. A lot of them were bipolar and so I identified it being this HORRIBLE thing that I never wanted to be like. But it isn’t the fact they were bipolar that was so horrible. It was the fact that they didn’t try to get help or get treated. They didn’t do anything about it.

It was hard on me when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I learned about it and I got help for it. I got on medications to help balance my moods. I got anti anxiety and anti depression medicine. I saw a therapist and a psychiatrist. And that helped me learn how to balance it. How to handle it. It doesn’t have to be this bad thing that controls our life. We can get a handle on it and still live happily and be okay. Being bipolar doesn’t define who you are. It’s part of you and yes something you have to look after so it doesn’t consume your life, but you are not your disorder. There’s more to you.

I can relate to having to start over. As I went through a divorce and am now in a new relationship. I live with my partner and their parents. I lost a lot. Including my insurance, which means I no longer have my medicine. I don’t have much to my name. So I understand how discouraging that feels.

I can relate to you On so many levels. I’m 34. It’s hard having to start over and lose the things you need. But friend, we are here. Okay? You don’t have to go at this alone. You’re always welcome here. This place is meant to be a safe place for people to come to for love, understanding , encouragement and support.

I hope things get better for you friend. Keep fighting. I know it’s hard. I’m there with you.

  • Kitty
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Thank you so much for your reply. It’s nice to have my voice herd. Im trying to not let it rule my life but somedays suck. It has become harder lately. As things get tougher I struggle more still fighting alot if this almost homeless thing and people like don’t get why I am how I am. I cant think straight much today my brain is foggy sometimes so sorry for a bland reply. Words just aren’t there today haha

I’m sorry to hear you are going thru so much. I know what it feels like but I’m having to start over at 50.

One dont be scared of a diagnosis. It doesnt define you. I use to define myself by mine and it limited me. It’s like keeping yourself in a box and you cant grow. You stay inside the walls of the diagnose.

Look at it as a compass or gps. All the diagnose is is an arrow. An arrow helping you and your doctor know which direction to go to help you be the best version of you. But it’s not even a outline of who you are merely an arrow.

I’ve been in the meds situation as well. Where do you live I can try and research for you but I was unaware of programs to help me with the cost of meds until I ended up in the hospital for a suicide. A kind nurse and social worker explained some programs and even set me up on them. Without it I wouldn’t be able to afford my meds.

If you feel overwhelmed by your situation and you dont feel comfortable asking your doctor for help in finding programs I’ll help you. Let me know city state and county (sometimes theres county assistance programs) and I’ll do the research for you.

Being on meds makes a huge difference in how the world looks and feels. I wanna figure out if theres a way to help you with that.

Hang in there you might be in a down cycle right now. All is not lost my friend. Sometimes you have to prune a tree to help it grow more. Look at the changes as life is making room for you to grow.

And you always have support here

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You replied awhile I go I’m sorry I didn’t see it, things did get better for a while, I went through 5 medications found one that worked, got sober for awhile went away and took a month for myself and mental health. I’m in Iowa so we went south to Florida explored Orlando and Daytona and it was great. Then covid hit when we came home and I was fine for awhile, but my doctor retired and I just didn’t go back I tried other things. Latley though it’s all back. For no reason things have been good I started college last month for a career field I love but here we have the worlds largest truck stop for my field and that’s cool and all but like I don’t fit here. Metal head punk in a country town my gf in the same boat she’s a dance studio owner/teacher hair bluer than mine haha but covid has taken a lot from us I got back to a dr recently they put me on meds I use to abuse so they don’t work my therapist and psychiatrist are booked until June and this week I’m at bottom again, I don’t feel like I can work most days my body hurts like my heart I’m taking 8 pills a day now trying a new diet and alll but I’m just drained it’s so hard to carry on and I’m alone. My family just dosent exist when it comes to me unless it’s for money. This battle is so much and the last month I’m so tired in every way going until June without a therapist or anything is terrifying I think I’ll be on here more trying to talk and post maybe just having that will help because I feel so alone it’s crazy and the women I have fallen in lobe with is next to me but she doesn’t know how to help and that’s fine she does what she can I just don’t know what’s next, how to move foward