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Leaveing love..I need advice or just a ear to bend


#1

I just left my fiance .we were together for a yr.had a child as well.during that yr she became abusive.she was absested with social media and beyond insecure .of course ive played a roll with my own demons but I guess I’m venting to feel better.as we started I fell instantly and moved my whole life for her.I can’t really explain what I feel because of the actions that took place during our relationship.I felt like she was the one.and with a child involved I knew I couldn’t take the every day argument.
We both had children prior to having our own and she got jealous over my relationship with them and used that jealousy to mock my parenting towards her own .she put me thru a ringer.she had prior and had custody of one.I felt I was a good person till my parenting wasn’t good enough for her.
When she got me to give her my social media account information that’s when I knew she was broken…she literally acted like towards my family for what reasons I will never no.living miles on end from my family and living with her I felt like I was in prison…but I fell in love with our way of loving each other.sexually and just the happy parts.the laughs and I thought we could get over the control part…I no I’m everywhere on this and I just don’t know how to explain what happen.
Police started getting involved when she keyed up my face and left me stranded in another city miles away from where we staying because I caught her contacting her ex I moved her away from…I took in her 7yr old son.I found us a apartment and we started living together…irony no what I was thinking.

Maybe I should start from the begin…so how I met her was when I went to Chicago on a job welding and I met heather when she was at work.she is a bartender waitress and I swear we fell for each other the moment we locked eyes.I was staying a hotel with coworkers.it turned into her staying with me after a few days of us lusting into love.I ended up not going back home and perusing jobs in Chicago.we got a apartment together 2017.on a 2nd lease and I was confident till we started arguing over fb .arguing over thing like u didn’t like this post I posted and u never do this n e more.it slowly started to worse and worse in till I just gave up on fb totally thinking it would solve the problems if I didn’t have one.
I have 2 children prior from meeting her same mother and it was a friendship between my children’s mother and I for our kids and because of that heather was jealous and accused me constantly of loving my childrens mother still.and that I don’t treat her 7yr old like I treat my own…I felt it getting toxic so I left…and came back because she claimed she was pregnant.which in tail brought our daughter ember.born a day before my bday.the 9 months she was pregnant was a argument over the wildest things from u didn’t make me coffee to ur not liking my stuff on fb.
Thru out the pregnancy we have had screaming matches over my children’s mother and how she thought I still loved her.and I try to leave again because of some harsh things she has said about me…I no its sounda like I’m downing her…I’m no saint and I’ve been a horrible person when it came to dealing with my vices such as alcohol.that played a down fall because I seem to mask everything.
I found great opportunities out in Chicago thru her family.and had her say she was gonna call the cops on me if I didn’t bring the car back because I didn’t do something to her liking when I was on my way to work.I’ve quit jobs because of her actions when it comes to trust.I felt like she was always something I wasn’t good enough for…and I stayed with her because she was beautiful and when we touched it was like nothing I have ever felt.
I’m very cautious when it comes to these subjects because it sounds like it was just her.idk…there’s just way to much that happen between me and her and I can’t just text this all and try to talk about all this.I no ill never be the same because of what happened.but I need a ear or I won’t be ok.what do I do? How can I explain this?I féel jumbled and just numb to my better situation since I moved back home to my parents.
Her own family and I tryd to help her in situations that she needed us…I don’t where to start and yea…so I’m looking for some heart support…
When things got violent and did was already invovled with her past and ruined my relationship with my kids I stayed because of her looks. Our touch.plz bare with me its still very fresh.
Every argument we would have she would somehow pull me back in.I’ve come to realize she was ruining me.I became very angry drinking more and blaming her for everything. And knew the only reason why she was staying was because she needed me for keeping the apartment.I can’t even explain this right or even put this in a step by step there was so many reason why I should of left.when I decided that enough was enough if when she took my phone and acted like me to my family.pretending to sound like things were ok.she knew I was leaving and afraid.so she try to say I raped her…I cooperated with the police and from 730a.m. to 9p.m I was in lock up with detectives running a full blown investigation from her alegations.states attorney relied the case and with all the evidence .the detectives were on my side .prior to all these this I had her arrested for domestic battery the day before for claiming I was cheating and she beat me with almost every object in the apartment.all because I was honest and told her I got a message from a longtime ago ex stating she had some drawing from me she found.I screenshots the message and showed her the message.and she flipped totally out thinking I was cheating when I was just being honest trying to reclaim some trust we lost…with her her saying I raped her and I knew she said it out of spite I was scared for my life because she knew I was leaving her and she would lose the apartment without me.detectives determined she filed a false statement.I was let go thank god.but I’m still hurting over her why???idk how to feel.did place our child and her son with her mother.I found out her ex is at our apartment and she kept access to my social media accounts and I moved back home 900 miles away back home.I feel crazy and I can’t even look at another woman.how do I g e t over this?


#2

Man, sounds like quite a messy situation – as most breakups are in general, but when you add kids into the mix and life into the mix, gosh, there’s just so much dis-entangling that you have to do in order to get over someone. It really sucks that all these kids are having to experience this ping pong trauma of not having a steady place to live or a steady mom or dad to live with. Add the the mix job and money and loneliness and sex and emotion. Gosh, I don’t think you’re crazy for having a hard time getting over her, man. She’s the mother of one of your children, I don’t think it was meant to be easy. I actually think that’s kind of the way it was meant to be…we’re MEANT to stay together with the parent of our kids. Kids need that stability, and I think it’s actually a beautiful part of the way we were designed that sex ties us so intimately to other people, especially when it ends up producing another human being. That’s just the way it’s supposed to be, man! It’s a bummer that you’re having a hard time moving on, but it’s a bigger bummer that these kids are having to experience the pain of another failed relationship that you’re putting them through. I don’t mean to sound harsh other than to wake you up to the reality that the worst part about this isn’t your heartbreak – it’s the pain your kids are getting put through. I think it’d be a really solid time after this breakup for you to do some self evaluation and counseling or recovery or something, because these kids need you to step up. They can’t have you drag them through another round of finding a new mom and a new home and getting a new sibling and then having all of that ripped away again. You’re supposed to be their rock, man! If you feel like you’ve got faults in your foundation, wouldn’t it make sense to pause your life to fix that? So that the people that are DEPENDING on you feel safe? If you have a drinking problem, that would be a great place to dive in. Maybe you go to an AA meeting? Or a 12 step meeting? Or a celebrate recovery meeting? It’d be probably the best gift you could give your kids, yourself, and whatever future relationship you’re in after you go through this process.

Hope the best for you man. Here’s a great place to start:
https://locator.crgroups.info

-Nate