I dont know how to feel about letting this person back into my life. Once I started talking to them again, I could just feel my stomach turning. I dont want to know them, but I just can’t seem to leave for some reason. I dont know why but theres something about this person that I can’t get rid of.
I can’t tell if this person is supposed to come back into my life, and if this is God’s plan? or if this is Satan luring me in back to old relationships. I dont know what to do.
I talked to this person and how I felt about the things that happened during our friendship that were not okay, and they said they just wanted to be friends. Does that mean I should let them back into my life, despite everything that happened in the past? I’ve tried so hard and I dont know if I should give this person a second chance or not give them a chance at all, and leave. PLEASE HELP
Hey friend,
Speaking from past experiences, once someone has done enough for you to feel like you need to cut them off, the best thing you can do to keep yourself safe and happy is let go.
I truly do believe people can change but let this person prove that to you before fully letting them back in.
I think depending on the severity of what happened during your friendship, you should potentially think about seeing if they changed. If they were mentally or physically abusive don’t let yourself be let back into pain you clearly don’t deserve.
At the end of the day it is your choice and you should do whatever you feel is right. Go with your heart.
Honestly, it sounds like now’s not the right time. It sounds like for the sake of your heart, you need to cut ties and let them go and heal. If it’s causing you this much turmoil making this decision, it’s clear that your heart isn’t ready to be “just friends”. The waters are still murky, you’re still recovering from the pain of the past, you’re not completely ready to be 100% platonic and amicable. I think for the sake of your own heart and your own healing and your own health, don’t let them back in. Let it be a hard and fast break. Your life will go on without them. And if God really wants for that door to open again, he’s not incapable of reopening something you shut, ha. He could do it 6 months, 12 months, 2 year down the road, ya know? Let yourself heal for now. Be kind to your heart.
Hey @nicole_kaley - I’d consider your stomach churning as a red flag (assuming it’s a bad feeling that you’re feeling, not a “good-stomach-churning”). Be very, very careful if you let any dude back in as “just a friend” because he can use that as leverage for continuing his hidden agenda, if applicable.
I feel your struggle. Been there and done so many attempts at solving this kind of issue. If I may, I’d like to share what worked for me finally. I only hope it will somehow help you.
My parents are toxic for my health, safety and peace of mind. And I say this as clinically as possible. I love them. They are my parents and I’m programmed to love them. Knowing what they’ve done to me, knowing that they aren’t gonna change, I still love them. Have I been successful in keeping myself out of their clutches? No. They are still in my life. But they lost the power to hurt me. After more than a decade, I was finally able to unchain myself from their toxicity.
It was not through physical détachement. It was through recognition that they only have power to hurt me when I react to them. I no longer rush to serve them. I no longer react to their words or actions. Every time I deal with them, I chant to myself that their words reflect who they are. Their actions reflect who they are. Not me. Never me.
I’m not their toy. I won’t be used. I won’t be manipulated. That’s not what love means to me. Loving is forgiving. Loving is accepting and moving on. Loving them is to allow them to live as they please and at the same time, respecting myself enough to give value to my own choices as well. When I say no, I mean it. When I say I’m busy, I mean it. When I refuse to play their games, I’m making a stand for myself and showing them the real me. Not their version or preference of me.
They can share the air that I breathe. They can walk the same streets and live in the same space. But they will never erase who I am. They will not be able to change me into their version or their fancy and whims.
And in loving them, I’m gonna simply refuse to take responsibility for their actions and choices. I’m no longer involved in their dramas. My no will be firm, respectful and always pro-me.
Eleanor Roosevelt was right… No one can hurt me if I chose not to allow them to. Their hard words mean nothing to me. I’m above that. Their cruelties are a reflection of them. I’m better than that. And each day I share my life with them, they keep proving me right. I’m not a limb in their bodies. I’m an individual in my own right.
Keep chanting this philosophy until it becomes second nature to you… And you will be alright. It may take time to get to that point, but sooner rather than later, you too will be alright. You too will be unaffected by foolishness of others. You too will see that that others being bad doesn’t make you bad either. And you won’t be coloured in the same tarnish as them…
Until you get there, I’m here for you. I support you. I will listen to you. Always…
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