i’m nothing but some stranger on the internet. i’m nothing to nobody. all i am is half of a person who’s losing more of themself everyday. why not just erase myself completely? why not just make it easier on everyone i interact with and just take my own life? i’m sure it’d be better. i’m sure i’d be less of a bother to my dad. though i’d hate to leave him alone, maybe my sacrifice would help my mom survive and he’d be fine and happy with her. i’m just a draining nuisance. my friends hate me. they don’t want me around, i can tell. i want them to be a reason that i live but it’s not enough. they’ve never met me, they’ve never even seen what i look like. so why does it matter? who cares if i die? i’m just another soul passing through. they’d probably forget about me anyways. i’m sure if i did it they wouldn’t even know. i feel so alone. i feel so hated all of the time. i keep trying to distract myself but everything runs out eventually. i cant go to anybody for help. i just sound like i’m looking for pity or attention. i also don’t want to have to burden anybody i care about with myself. that’s why i don’t want to live anymore. i don’t want to be a burden, i just want to be gone. or maybe i just want a hug? just the touch of somebody i love would be enough… though it’s awkward hugging my family and i could honestly kind of care less about them… i just want one of my friends to hug me. i want somebody i can rely on… but there’s nobody… nobody cares enough. it’s all “i want your happiness” til it comes down to my sadness. i hate breathing so much. i hate it, i fucking hate it… everything is always so wrong, nothing is ever right. minor things or major things, it all sucks… just slit my wrists and let me bleed out and die already…
I want to hug you, how many times have I told you that!!??
You are somebody to me!! It is even personal!! You don’t sound like seeking pity!
You are awesome for holding on that long! YOURE AWESOME!!! Belive it!!
I wish I could really be there for you… and I feel terrible because I can’t!
Hearing this makes me feel the impulse to reach out and hug you, but your’e not there…
You aren’t a draining nuicanse, and even if you were, we don’t care about how much you drain us! We will let ourselves be drained so that you could get feeling better!
Even if you were a draining nuicance, there would still be a chance for you to meet people who you wouldn’t be for them!
You matter! I care enough that I would do more than just talk, I just can’t do anything more!
And it’s not you draining me, it’s the fact that I am trapped in this chair in this room in this house in this town in this state!
I care so much I really really wish I could give you a hug! I think that a lot!
You need to keep holding on to life. You are loved. Someone, maybe even more than one someone, cares about you, and so you matter, and if you live, even just by having symapthy for someone else, you could change their life. Even if you feel like dying, keep trying, keep climbing that mountain which is life. Don’t let the demons knock you off the mountain, metaphorically speaking. Listen, there are people who care about you, including me, who would protect you no matter what. And if I lose you, I would ginuenly cry, believe it. Knowing what pain feels like is exactly why you should try to be kind to others. You need to keep living so that you can spread the love, and help other people who are in pain like you, even if you cannot stop your own pain. You need to keep living, no matter what, you know? Keep holding on
Why do you want to make it easier on everyone? No one wants their life to be easier at your expense, or if they do, they don’t deserve your consideration. You might be out of touch with yourself, but you are definitely not just half a person. Sacrificing yourself would make no one’s life easier. You stand a better chance of being forgotten if you stay alive, rather than becoming a lifelong painful memory. You mention that your mom “might” survive without you. Yet there must be a purpose to survival, and at its most basic level, that purpose is to share love. Your purpose is to share love, and your need for love gives others purpose. Yes, you need a hug. You also need to give hugs. You can’t do that if you’re not around. All of us are both burdens and blessings, and we actually need to be both.
It’s often difficult to be comfortable around a depressed person. You may be seeing less of your friends, because they feel helpless to make you feel better. I don’t think they hate you, but they don’t know what to do with you either.
Hate is draining and debilitating. It also impairs the ability to see reality. Your friends really don’t hate you do they?
Everything is wrong and everything sucks, when were feeling bad in one way or another. Take a deep breath. Relax. Clear your mind for a moment. With an open heart and mind, consider what thoughts really resonate with the truth.
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