Well where to start with this I guess I’m in limbo at this point in angry all the time dont like anyone hate myself really. I’m on the boarder line of insanity to fully understand I guess we have to go back a few years its 2015 I met this girl in high school and she was amazing everything in life is fine so give or take a few months she just up and leaves without saying anything i angry cursed her and everything under the sun and in early 2016 I got a letter in the mail saying she came down with cancer my sank after that and I knew that I was already dead after that so I tried to kill myself 3 times figured out that it wasn’t worth it what would she have thought of me then anyways from mid summer 2016 to spring 2017 I get into a lot of bad shit to forget ANYTHING forget and I got out of that I had nightmares for a long time so from 2017-may 2018 had a lot of people betray me so I stopped putting trust in people started only caring about myself and flat out telling people I don’t like them I was at the point where survival was the only thing the mattered but I still struggled to survive but I aint a liar,cheater or hypocritie. But all the way up untill now haven’t found what I was looking for some kind of closure I don’t know anymore I guess if you gaze into the abyss long enough the abyss will gaze unto you as well. I’m so tired I’m at the point where I just want to to live whatever time I have left alone and in peace im sorry this ain’t much of a story more like the psycotic ramblings of a lunatic won’t argue that can’t really if you can take any lesson from this don’t make the same mistakes that I did keep finding something to fight for I don’t know if anyone here can help me but you’re more and welcome to try I’ll take any advice but I just want to forget this and have one day of happiness again I would take it
Hi friend. Sounds like you have gone through a lot and carried some heavy hurt on your shoulders. It’s hard losing people that we cared for. And I’m sorry you found out she had cancer. I’m glad that you are still with us and did not take your life. Your life matters. I know sometimes things can feel dark, overwhelming and challenging but there can be light in the darkness that fills our mind. I’m glad that you shared some of your story. It’s not always easy opening up. But you are always welcome to share your heart and your mind here. We may not always be able to resolve what is going on, but we can offer support and encouragement.
I’m going to leave a link of resources here for you. Maybe something here can be of help to you: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
You aren’t alone friend.