Letting out what i can't say to other persons

So i’d like try telling my story here since i can’t tell it to anyone in real life other than a therapyst i guess, but i don’t have the money rn to do it. I can’t seem to open up to people because when i even think about telling them about me i feel so embarrassed and blocked and i don’t want that, i want to say to the world hey this is ME, i am not perfect, i am who i am and that’s ok, but then i get scared of what they would think of me and thoughts of them laughing at me, making jokes, come to my mind and so i avoid being honest with people about me.
I think this denial of myself is unhealthy, and honestly i want to not give a damn what they think of me…
So here it goes (maybe i am just making a big deal out of it and it’s nothing…)
So i never had sex before until i was in my mid 27, i am a guy, straight…
I’'m 29 now and had sex 3 times by now.
But back then i feel like being virgin marked my life, some people of curse knew this, and they were always asking me if i already got myself a girlfriend or got laid… the answer was always no and it was so awkward, i used to think that they see me like oh maybe he is in the closet, or there is something wrong with him, or maybe there is a good reason why he is still single, like i was brainstormed by all this negatives thoughts of myself and couldn’t prove otherwise because the reality was i was single, over 20 and started to believe myself that there was something wrong with me, specially when seeing every fucking one getting always in and out of relationships. If i had to explain myself i’d say that i got obsessed with my first girlfriend from when i was 17, we were together for around 8 months only, it was my first relationship and i believe i loved her, but when the years passed by after we broke up and i realized she was constantly in my thoughts i said hey, this is not love but obsession. Fortunately i got over that by now. When i think back of the girls i met from when i was 18 to 27 i can’t believe how stupid i was because occasionally i met someone who was interested in me, like i most have met like 4 or 5 girls like took the lead of having something with me and my lack of interest ruined it, i had my chances to get laid but it was like i was dead inside and didn’t seize the opportunities. But then later when i was home i would masturbate… something was and probably is still wrong with me.
I was usually always playing video games at home, you know avoiding myself escaping from reality and stuff, so only chances i got to meet new people was in the university because that was the only reason i was going out of home back then, so i didn’t give myself many chances to meet new people, and when i do remember i always found the way to be stupid enough to ruin it…
I want to wrap this whole story up by adding something that i think no one knows about me and it’s related to what i just told. I had a friend, my best friend, my brother from another mother. We met in school around 15 i think, we soon became great friends, we hang out together, got the same group of friends in common, got drunk, did drugs,parties, were there for each other trough our all our ups and downs. I loved that guy, as a friend. Of course he was the only person to know my complete story, and when we were around 25-26 and we were in the university he started to tell the new people i was meeting i was a virgin, this pissed the shit out of me and i asked him to stop doing that, to put me in the spotlight without my permission. Then he used it again to shut me in public argument we were having, that was low, i ate all my anger and moved on and later i would tell him to stop doing it. 3rd time: i asking him to try to get me a spot were he was working, so i went to the interview, everything fine, then when i get back home we started to chat about the interview and stuff and he tells me as if it was a great joke ‘btw i told everyone that you are virgin’, that was it man. I didn’t even reply, i was so angry, i thought to myself i would cut this friendship for good but i would make the decision when i was sober. So weeks passed by i cooled down but the thought of him front stabbing my trust and requests to respect my privacy ignored by him finally lead me to the decision of separating who once i thought was a brother to me, i didn’t even say anything to him, i just walked away, didn’t give him the chance to talk his way back or turn the tables because he was the best fucking i person i have met arguing.
Idk i think my experience with him marked me and that’s why it s so hard for me to open to people.
So i been writing this shit for too long and i feel exhausted and satisfied at the same time.
I have some other things in the back of my mind still but i guess i’ll write them some other time.
Thank you for bearing with me if you made this far, not looking for a tap in the back or anything, just needed to prove to myself i can speak myself out without caring others opinions (i know it sounds petty and disrespectful but is not my intention to sound like that)
Y’all have a great day

Hey friend. Thanks for being open with us. I know it can be hard to share stuff that is very personal, so I just wanna tell you that I’m proud of you for trusting this community with this story.
I just want you to know that you’re loved and are heard. We care about how you feel and what you’re going through. I hope you can keep sharing what’s on your mind on the support wall.
Stay Strong friend, we love you

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Thank you for your kind words. I can say that after writing this i went out to dance, it’s a hobby i adopted not long ago and i love it, and i could felt the difference in my body, literally it’s taking a burden out of the shoulders.