Letting the past control me (Steel)

I have been coming here for awhile and never posted. I actually never thought I would, but I’ve come to trust this community so much. Back in 2007 I made a terrible mistake. I had just got out of the Marines, and was attending the academy to become a police officer in my home city. I had gotten through 5 months of the 6 month academy, and the toughest parts of training. One weekend we went out and celebrated a little too early, I was taking shots left and right. I was offered a ride home by my buddy but had my issued weapons with me, and was close to home, so I chose to drive. I ended up driving into my Aunts yard, cuz I was going way over the speed limit. Well I ended up losing a career that would have been great. I ended up going into a state of depression beyond anything I’d gone through before. One night I literally had my gun to my head, ready to pull the trigger. There was also a day where I just started popping some sleeping pills I found at my moms house. I think all together I ended up taking like 15 pills. I have no idea how I didn’t die that day, but slept like 2 days straight. I’ve come a long way since then, but I still just have this self hate. I just can’t seem to let the past go, and don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Thanks though for all your help and friendship, this was so hard to do, but I appreciate you all


@HoldxSteel Hi. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your post. It takes guts to do so. I’m sorry you went through a hard time. I cannot relate to your situation, but unforgiveness is something I struggle. I said and done things I am not proud of, and I am going to have those memories for the rest of my life. What I can say is that work on forgiving yourself. Take it one day at a time. You will put the past behind you. You will move on. If you want to share more, this forum is open. I hope you are having a restful evening, and thank you for reading this. God bless. Stay strong.

1 Like

Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me that you replied. Also, it is very nice to meet you, unless we have in chat before, lol.

1 Like

Thank you for sharing your story. This is cherished. I’m proud of you.


1 Like

Thank you for taking time out to read it. Much love!!!