I have been gone from this app for awhile now, but I find myself back here because I have noone. I had become a volunteer firefighter but because of financial problems I have had to give it up. I have been better because I had people around me. Now I am stuck being around my brother and his family and anytime something goes wrong he says we may need to look for new arrangements for you this apartment is mine too not his.
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What your brother is doing is not ok. Not everyone has a family, but those who do should always be there for each other. Its great you wanted to volunteer to help others, I want to do that in a hospital. And I’m sorry you had to give it up. You’ll find something great in your life soon, I promise. If you ever need to talk, don’t be afraid to dm me, I’m a great listener. I hope all gets well soon.
xxx RedRain
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I don’t really see it getting better anymore. When I first moved here I did. Since I have been back be being pretty much alone. I spend most my time sleeping and when I am awake now I find myself just wanting to die. A big argument started today because my sister in law is condescending to everyone. And I just finished talking to my brother 1 on 1 and now they thinks its best for me to move back to Virginia where I literally have no where to go. I used a lot of my money from an auto accident to help him get a better vehicle among other things, and now that I am back to living paycheck to paycheck I am unwanted. My brother is the only family I truly have left, but I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like I have lost everything now. I’m not one for self harm, so I wont do anything drastic, but I wish that assisted suicide was an option. I don’t want to be here anymore. My brother even with that bullshit spewing from his mouth said he thinks I’m capable of great things that I just need a push. I told him straight forward, I am not the same bright young man I was when I was 20, I’m a husk, the only thing left inside of me is a good heart that stops me from hurting others. Everything else about be is dead or just gone .
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I feel dead inside, not necessarily numb, because it hurts so badly to see how cold hearted my brother has become with very little reason to be. I haven’t felt this bad in almost 12 years. My family was my everything growing up and I protected my siblings from everything. I know we all grow up, but this is too much. My brother is the last one that would stay in contact with me, and now I feel like I lost him too. I’m scared this will push me too far. I don’t want to think about dying every day, but when my head gets this bad that is just where my head wanders
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From: I Am Reclaimer
Hey Friend, I’m glad that you found your way back to this community. It’s always open arms! Getting the rug pulled out from underneath you when you’re trying to find a community to immerse yourself with is pretty hard to deal with. though, I’ve experienced that sometimes this can be a beautiful turn of events for your future. Seek those who you know truly got your back as those individuals can help ease the fall, if you must. For example, I went through a pretty bad divorce at the beginning of the pandemic, lost my job, and almost got evicted. I was too proud to ask for help when it all started, but when I did ask for help from my friends I hadn’t talked to for a while they were there for me. They saved my life because I reached out and they were willing to help…when I didn’t think they would. I thought I was just going to be an annoying burden, but the love that these people gave me filled me with confidence to get back on my feet and prevail over my depression and my suicidal thoughts. What I learned through this is to focus on just the next right thing… and that these really hard issues we are dealt in life are ways to become a better version of ourselves and to help us find our true purpose and to help those who may go through the same things. Which is love.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the larger picture of what is happening here, but focus on just the next right thing. So I ask you, what is it that YOU need to find love for yourself again? What is the next right thing for you to do to find your happiness and independence again? What resources can you leverage to help you out and potentially your family? You got this, friend! Stay strong and know that there is a silver lining to every storm… “a smooth sea never made for a skilled sailor.”
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From: Ash
I am so sorry that you are back to a big struggle like this you deserve so much more. Something I noticed in your post and the replies is that your treatment at home is not the best. It sounds like they are making choices and taking actions but yet not taking into account that you are an adult. I am unsure why they are choosing what you do rather than you choosing. I know you mentioned a car accident and a job perhaps figure out what you can afford to do in terms of living even if in the same area but for yourself. I know that is easier said than done but ya it is not easy to solve the issues at hand. I am kind of in a similar spot with my current living situation and getting out is tough. But we just need to do what we can. So find the resources and such that are like housing assistance or even places you can afford. I hope that you know you deserve a place that isnt toxic and you do deserve to be respected.
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From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)
Hi Hoderi. Welcome back to heartsupport 
. I am sorry you have been going through this in your home. This should not be happening. You are being threated very bad and I think you should really say what you think to your brother and your sister in law. That this is your home too and that you will not be treated the way the treat you. It is important to stand up for oneself even if it means going to odds with your own family. They should be supporting you and not make your life worse. Have youbeen seing a therapist? I think a proffesional help would also help you with your personal life and your mental health. I really hope things will get better for you soon
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From: Micro
Hey @Hoderi,
It’s good to see you. <3 Sounds like you’ve been having your share of struggles and pain lately. Goodness, you inspire respect for standing still, really. These obstacles are not going to take the best for you, even if the situation with your brother is really heartbreaking. Family can be a place of refuge, but it’s so hard when it becomes a place of disappointment and hurt. Your expectations towards your brother are not unfair. Although I don’t know precisely why he is reacting that way now, but what is sure is that you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s not your fault if life is throwing obstacles at you.
Is there any family member who could help mediate the situation between you all? Do you think having some time away from home with your brother, one on one, for heartfelt conversations together, could help? We’re here to support you and help you plan ahead some potential solutions and support. You have a family right here as well, okay? You’re not alone. 
The issue is my sister in law more than my brother, she doesn’t like me or my life style. My brother is just so desperate to keep a woman in his life that he does everything she wants even though he has told me several times he wants a divorce. I’m sorry it took time to respond. I’m not really doing well. I turned in my firefighting gear yesterday and it nearly destroyed me, these are the only people that are truly there for me here in Tennessee. I don’t know how long it will take me to move back to va, but I am already falling back into my same old depressing routine because I have no one to physically be around and talk. My brother comments to me that I never leave my room anymore that I should come hang out . but why? My sister in law is so brainwashed by religion to think by herself( i mean no disrespectful to anyone here, my issue is with the judgement I face from her) and my brother, he has admitted he doesn’t like to talk, so why leave my room. I have noone I am all alone. My brother seems to think this isn’t my problem but it is, I haven’t really had anyone for 12 years until the fire department. Most my family uses me, friends don’t really exsist. And noone is interested in being with me, even when I am well off like I had been for about 6 months. But none of this should bother me according to my brother… But I know if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t be saying that, only reason he thinks being alone doesn’t hurt much is because he married the first female who would have him and hasn’t been alone in 12 years. He doesn’t know the pain of waking up and going to sleep each night knowing noone is thinking of you. I want to give up on life. I moved to a new place. I started doing a lot better, I got to the point where I wasn’t scowling all day, I had found myself smiling for no reason. Now I am back to where I think about dying daily. It wasn’t enough that people still didn’t like me or show any interest in me, now I feel like I lost my brother, hes the only family I felt like I really had anymore. I just want to adopt a dog so I have a companion and then disappear( obviously caring for the dog) most people have given up on me in life and I am about to do the same, I don’t see the point. There is no light at the end of the road, its my personal belief that some of us are just meant to suffer our whole lives, we aren’t meant to find true happiness, not in a society like we have now.
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