I am gonna wind up being homeless if I don’t find a job this week, I’m depressed because I got no where to go and I turn 22 in 5 days happy birthday right? I feel alone even went to the hospital because of suicidal thought months ago they don’t help? It’s just a paycheck so it’s like screw any kind of hospital. I don’t believe in God based on Circumstances I use to be the person to share the Gospel message because I believe people deserve a chance at a new life in Christ but I feel like I’m being tomrmented unloved by God and I don’t understand why? I feel alone, I just want life to end, and so I look to drugs and alcohol for comfort because it’s right there it’s an instant feel good. I feel like I deserve hell Im tired of suffering but then again he’ll forever suffering? Yeah I’m not gonna end my life that’s the last place I want to go. The worst thing in life is wanting to die but you can’t do a damn thing about it! I’m tired of being hopeless, depressed full of anxiety because I’m jobless and I’m gonna wind up living in the streets without a home eating garbage or whatever doing whatever I can to get by. I hate this life I really do
Hey @Fishers15 - I want to address the religious part of your post (and your last post):
I understand how difficult it can be to believe in God and yet see so much evil in the world. I’m pleasantly impressed that you’ve continued to hold on, even during really dark seasons. I have so many friends who have turned their back on their faith once they go through a tramautic season in life. I really enjoy studying biblical theology, so to help you along in your journey to continue to hold to your beliefs, I’ve written down 10 arguments for the existence of God that you can put in your back pocket when you’re challenged for future reference.
- The laws of physics
a. How do these laws exist and how to they become so specific? For example, no one law can overpower the other and nothing can break the natural laws. - The existence of miracles
a. Appears to bend the laws of nature in order to cause change. - The concept of faith
a. Defies the basic logic of perception. Existence of faith may have been given to us. - Consciousness and the immaterial realm
a. By listening to me, you’re exhibiting consciousness. How you possess it and where it came from is unknown. Is exists in our minds with no material form.
b. It may exist outside of our material bodies known as substance dualism. The possibility of a separate realm to where our consciousness resides. - Love
a. Though there are multiple theories to suggest what love is, at its core it’s still a mystery. The person you’re drawn to and cherish the most wasn’t exactly yours to choose. - Intelligent design in humans
a. DNA is built with craftsman-like design; all of this ensures that the process lives on and that the design must’ve involved some intelligence.
b. DNA is like a book. It didn’t happen by accident. - The concept of moral values
a. Pre-morality humans would have no real reason to stop killing each other or to resist their strong primal urges in order to perceived as good people. - Intelligent design in the universe
a. Seemingly random events cannot spread out the stars in such a beautiful uniform, dancing around gravity. - The first-cause argument
a. What created the cause of the big bang? Everything that happens must’ve been caused by something. If we don’t exist in a time-loop, it’ll bring us to a point where an effect existed without a cause; the cause of existence must’ve been God, an all-powerful entity that created Himself which then created everything else.
b. Or, the chain extends into the past infinitely. There is no beginning and that God is defined as the true nature of infinity. - Anselm’s Ontological Argument
a. Our ability to imagine the concept of an ultimate perfect being means that it musts exist. If the idea of perfection exists, God must exist.
Remember that you’re loved! I hope this helps! 
-Eric
Fishers15,
Sounds like my 22nd birthday man…I felt like an absolute mess, like my whole life was one fat disappointment and I was too. I can relate so much to this post.
Feels like your joblessness is this constant nagging reminder of your worthlessness. Which is what you already believe about yourself, but having this knife constantly driving into this gaping wound is too much to bear. You medicate the pain with booze and drugs only to feel worse after you come down. You felt intimate with God but feel totally distant and angry at him now. You feel like there’s nothing that can solve this pain within or the job situation, and so you feel beyond hope, like this is how life is always going to be, and the only thing you can see in your future is more of the same or worse. If that’s the case, you can’t stand the thought of continuing, but you also CANNOT bear the thought of ending your life. So you’re stuck in this place which feels like constant torture, and you don’t know what to do.
Yeah bro. The feels. That’s terrifying.
What’s interesting is that you shared in your post what you used to offer others in this type of situation…you used to love to share the Gospel because you wanted others to have a “chance at a new life in Christ”.
What would it look like to give yourself that chance? To reach for that new life? To cast off the disdain that’s been spiraling you deeper into depression and take a chance on God again? To take a leap of faith? What would that look like?
I imagine probably better than life now. What’s there to lose?
I still feel people should get a chance at a new life even though I have no idea what God wants with me anymore maybe the would understand but I cannot,